A Long Time Coming

Okay so its been a very long time but I'm home now. We have yet to get an internet connection in our new house, and its been delayed partially because Justin isnt sure where he wants the computer yet....anyway so I'll try to check in occasionally until I have regular access again. While I was out of the loop, my friends Patrick and Tiffany had a new baby, Justin moved us into a new house and my younger brother got a new dog....(they only have like 7 in the house right now...ugh) Anyway, let me know what went on with you while I was away...I hope you had Happy Holidays and heres to the New Year being better than the Old One.

An Epidemic

Justins younger sister is pregnant. That makes hmm...everyone I know. Well...not everyone is pregnant, but if they're not they already have kids. Its an epidemic...in a good way...except...I dont want to catch it. I wonder if theres a vaccine...No posts for awhile.

Too Cute to Resist

adopt your own virtual pet!


Justin and I are departing on an excursion in the next 15 or 20 minutes. We will be driving through the night in order to make it to Denton by 9am tomorrow (today!?) for an appointment. Poor planning you say? We should have left earlier today and spent the night you say? Alas we do know these things to be true, however, I can not miss a day of work between now and November 14 or else I lose the option of being rehired when I come back after Christmas. So, wish us luck. We'll be back hopefully by 6 or 7 in the afternoon. I dont want to miss House.

In other news, while I'm gone Justin will be moving us into our new house...its...well...not lovely, It's been around since the 20s and once belonged to my crazy Aunt Oleta, but it is 4 bedrooms and it has a nice big kitchen, there are also pomegranite bushes and a large back yard with a pear tree. It does have goldenrod colored shag carpet which kind of sucks but weirdly seems to match my living room furniture and decor...Not that I have 70s furniture or anything...just stuff with lots of red yellow blue and green...and the room that will be my bedroom has lovely hardwood floors hidden under the indoor/outdoor carpet that currently resides there. We will be putting down new lineloeum in the kitchen that looks like hardwood for around 70 dollars or so...which Im really excited about...also excited about the prospect of painting the kitchen cabinets a combination of mediterranian blue and medium green and happy yellow. We will also have broadband internet and dish network TV...so while some things are looking down other things are looking up, not least of all the 200 dollar decrease in rent that we'll be paying for the house.

Wooh...okay gotta grab some socks and a blanket so that I can make an attempt at sleep on the way to Denton. Justin took off work today and slept while I was slaving away so he's been elected to drive...well that and the fact that I don't drive anymore.

Wish us luck.


Finally...tomorrow...a day off.

Sexy Punctuation

You scored 30% Sociability and 76% Sophistication!

Congratulations! You are the semicolon! You are the highest expression
of punctuation; no one has more of a right to be proud. In the hands of
a master, you will purr, sneering at commas, dismissing periods as
beneath your contempt. You separate and connect at the same time, and
no one does it better. The novice will find you difficult to come to
terms with, but you need no one. You are secure in your elegance,
knowing that you, and only you, have the power to mark the skill or
incompetence of the craftsman.
You have no natural enemies; all fear you.
And never, NEVER let anyone tell you that you cannot appear in

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 10% on Sociability
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 89% on Sophistication
Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

This Doesn't Look Good.

Stolen from Patrick.
Heres how it works: go to google and type "(your name) needs" pick the five funniest and post them in your blog. Heres mine:

Susan Needs...

1. ...help
2. ...to get over it
3. ...a set of t-shirts graced with silly cliches
4. ...to wear a bra
5. ...all your love and money

Justin asked me to post his here too:

Justin Needs...

1. ...to learn this isn't 500 bc and you can't bang every girl that makes
your slinky go doing-!
2. ...
a new bear skin rug to go by the fire
3. ...
a happy ending
4. ...
to get bitch slapped
5. ...help learning how to be gay

Martha Stewart Look Out.

I used my crock pot for the first time last night/today. Beef Stew...from the bag...but oh well. I did get up extra early to add potatos. And yesterday I made cookies...and not cut and bake ones either. I actually had to add an egg...And I hung a curtain in my room yesterday!! Ah.... fall makes me so domestic. *grin*

Hmm How Telling...

Something else stolen from Annabel...


1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to it).
3. Find the 5th sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

"And I've had terrible, very real nightmares."
I keep having dreams about hurricanes. A good explanation for this would be that they're all over the news for the past month, however, I haven't been watching the news. They [the hurricanes] just seem to linger heavily in my subconcious. I don't like it, although some of the dreams are kind of fun.

My cat Nicolas is going to live with my step sister D'Liesa. Three is just too many for a small apartment. She wants a grown up cat that knows how to get away from her kids, but one thats laid back enough to not scratch them in the process. I think Nic is perfect for this posistion as A) he's been declawed, and B) he tends to gravitate to tall places where toddlers cannot reach. It's a win win situation I think.

This leaves us with two kitties. M'Gee and Yumi. Both Justins, I don't feel cheated out of my cat or anything really, and to be quite honest if we were only going to keep one it would be Yumi. (She's very smart and fetches like a dog.) But I'm not very fond of M'Gee. He's old and likes to vomit. It's like his hobby or something. Oh well. Justin likes him and sometimes you have to make concessions to peoples attatchments.

We're having dinner with my parents tonight I think, so I should get off...Justins finished with his shower now and we'll be leaving soon...Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to say later...

40 Questions

Borrowed fromAnnabel I love these things!!

1. My uncle once: Was the caretaker of Spade Ranch. Because of this I have a soft soft spot for cowboy folklore. Betcha didn't know that!

2. Never in my life: Have I really yelled at the people in my life who deserve it...for so many reasons.

3. When I was five: I got a little brother and sister.

4. High School was: The last time in my life that I had a group of friends that I could tell anything to.

5. I will never forget: What it feels like to walk down the streets of New York at 3am

6. I once met: Our current excuse for a president.

7. There's this girl I know who: is gonna be Justins best man at our wedding.

8. Once, at a bar: A drag queen groped my left breast.

9. By noon, I'm usually: On my way to work or dead asleep. God I love working in the afternoon/night.

10. Last night: I dreamt that I was swimming in Greece.

11. If I only had: Money. You wouldn't believe how much easier things would be if I had three hundred and fifty dollars.

12. Next time I go to church: oh hmm...I dunno I keep thinking that I'll go and then can't drag myself out of bed.

13. Terry Shiavo: Should have died much longer ago than she did.

14. What worries me most: That I'll look like the Michelin man in my wedding dress.

15. When I turn my head left, I see: The downstairs bathroom door.

16. When I turn my head right, I see: Justin.

17. You know I'm lying when: I'm a very good liar. I always know Justins lying when he tells me 3 minutes later in tears...hehehe

18. What I miss most about the eighties: weighing less than one hundred pounds and my cabbage patch kid.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, Ophelia. Crazy and self involved.

20. By this time next year: Oh who knows. Maybe I ll have a new sofa.

21. A better name for me would be: I always wanted my name to be Lily or Rose or Dahlia...something floral. My dad wanted to name me Courtney Michelle. Come on Courtney Michelle Bell...god.

22. I have a hard time understanding: My parents choices.

23. If I ever go back to school: I'll get my masters...although I was kind of thinking I might be interested in Radiology or something else medical...we'll see, I've gotten awfully lazy.

24. You know I like you if: I'm pretty desperate for friends at this point. I only don't like the stupid people.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: Depends on the award. If it was an Oscar or a Tony I'd thank Emmalie John.

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Brilliant

27. Take my advice, never: Say that you'll never go back to your hometown.

28. My ideal breakfast is: Breakfast Burrito with Egg, Bacon, Potato and Cheese. Or Hot Chocolate from Town N Country

29. A song I love, but do not have is: The entire soundtrack for Hair

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: Eating at Savannahs

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:My favorite, Make us who we are, overrated, should find something better to do.

32. Why won't people:Pay attention to the things they say?

33. If you spend the night at my house: Don't make any extra noise while I'm falling asleep.

34. I'd stop my wedding for: Patrick Stewart....(not really...well....)

35. The world could do without: Another Bush in charge...Ignorance.

36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Spend 48 hours with my stepmother

37. My favorite blonde is:My niece Hannah and my Nephew Hunter

38. Paper clips are more useful than: Socks.

39. If I do anything well, it's: Getting mad. I get mad really well.

40. And by the way: I'm going to bed.


I am out of things to read, however, we do have cable now. Finally a life where I can always find an episode of Law and Order on no matter what time it is! Of course there's also endless hours of terrible reality TV...I wonder when this phase in American entertainment culture will pass? Soon hopefully...except for "So You Think You Can Dance?" I like that one...anyway.

It's weird to have days off on weekdays. I mean, I couldn't tell a difference these past two days because we just sat around the house and bought some groceries and had dinner at my parents, but I suspect that when we once again have a disposable income that it'll be interesting to have the mall all to ourselves and a selection of shops not open on the weekends...hmm. (By the way, how do those shops not open on the weekends stay in business? I mean...who can shop there? Besides me now...)

I'm trying to figure out how to rent a banquet room at South Plains College for the wedding...not that I need it anytime soon, but its good to be informed...in any case their website is fairly useless.

Less than one month until the new Lemony Snicket book comes out!!

Nerves and Frustrations

After three weeks of training, Justin and I are finally having our first real, ten hour, day at work tomorrow. I'm actually kind of nervous. I was by myself on the phones on Friday for two hours, and it wasn't that big of a deal....and I guess the only thing that could go really wrong would be for me to hang up on a 911 call or something, but I'm still nervous. Oh well, it's just one day and then we're off for two more, giving me some time to recoup. We've had a really quiet stay at home weekend. Yesterday we kind of cleaned house and watched TV and read and today we watched a move (Dangerous Beauty) and had more of the same. I had thought for sure that we'd see my parents at some point over the weekend, but aside from a couple of short phone calls that came too late to really go out we haven't heard a word. Weird. My dad thinks he'll get to see us tomorrow before we go to work, but I think that's a little unlikely as we have to be there by one o'clock and we've been lately sleeping til like 3. (Isn't that awful? I can't even justify it, I mean, sure we're working until kind of late, and getting home and getting dinner later, but not *that* late!! My bed's just been too comfortable lately.)

We're having a small problem with Sprint. My bill this month is $88. For one phone. And I have the fair and flexible plan, so even if I went over my 300 minutes, it should have only been $5 for 100 more. They say that last month we used 700 minutes. (Apparently if you go over 500 minutes on my plan it turns into 10 cents a minute) All this is well and good except that there is no way we used that much time. That's more than eleven and a half hours of phone time. I never usually even use all 300 that they give me!! So, I decided to look at the detail on my online bill (I no longer receive a paper bill). Lo and behold, since the SprintNextel merger I can no longer see my bill detail online. I don't really know what to do at this point. The bill is due on Tuesday, and I don't really want to pay so much, since I don't think I owe it...the people on the phone don't seem inclined to give me the details of every call I've made either. Very frustrating. Looks like we may have to switch companies if this keeps up...*sigh* Any suggestions?

Oh yeah, is anybody else having trouble seeing my profile picture? I can only get it to come in about half the time...know how to fix this??


I keep having these dreams with noises in them, and the noises keep waking me up. It's not like regular dreams where some outside noise comes in and fucks with your dreams...like when you think your alarm clock is the terrible muzak in the elevator that you're conveniently trapped in with Johnny Depp. As far as I can tell, the noises come from the dreams themselves..like this morning, I dreamt that I was trying to do pushups on my stairs, and that one of the cats came and sat under my face and went "meeep!!" really loudly. It scared the hell out of me and I woke up with a gasp. Yesterday the noise was the phone ringing, which it wasn't, and the day before it was Justin saying my name in a panic. (Which is an interesting change in that my father is usually the one saying my name in a panic in my dreams...) Anyway, anybody know how I can stop this it's really disturbing...

Tra La La in the Land of Nod

Justin and I don't generally sleep in the same bed...or the same room. This antiquated arrangement came about because Justin's a snorer (sp? actual word?) and I like to sleep diagonally in the bed...you know, just to make sure I'm getting *all* the benefits of my queen size mattress. At some point, we may upgrade to the I Love Lucy/Dick Van Dyke show plan with two beds in the same room. If we find a house with a big enough bedroom. But for now, it's seperate sleeping spaces. Because of this, I'm not always aware of Justin's sleep quirks. However, last night I felt like I wanted a little cuddle time so we decided to try the shared bed arrangement and I got to experience Justin's sleep routine. It seems that as he's drifting off to dreamland he sings a little tune. I don't even know if he knows that he does it...but it's the same one each time. (I know because I woke him up twice...) In any case, eventually we got hot and once again went our seperate ways. *sigh* Is this seperate sleeping going to cause trouble in our relationship? Is it going to traumatize our children the first time they go to a slumber party and see that little Katies parents sleep in the same room...in the same bed*gasp*!? Maybe we'll expose him/her to a lot of I Love Lucy...

A Friend?

Just found out my friend Kate is living in Levelland. This is good news, as I currently don't have anyone but Justin to hang out with. Strangly enough, Kate has lived near me everywhere that I've lived, except for Denton. We'll possibly get together over the weekend. Hurray!!

Also, One week til payday!!

At Last

After one full month we now have internet again. Thank God. This makes everything so much easier. So...we've arrived in Levelland and gotten all moved in and have jobs. (The same job actually, very convenient since we only have one car right now.) We're working at CSD Relay which is a company that contracts through Sprint to provide phone transcription for the deaf. It's lots of fun so far, although, we're still in training right now. Our real schedule starts September 12. Then we'll be working 4 days a week: Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday for 10 hrs a day(1pm-12am with a lunch between 6 and 7). I like it kind of spread out like that...plus if we need to we'll only have to take one day off to get a four day weekend hurray!!

Moving Day!

Justin and I are officially packing up the truck and heading west today. Back to Levelland. Ugh. I never thought I'd actually live there again. We've got the apartment all ready, and at about a third of the rent that we pay here, for the same amount of space, I must say, it's quite a bargain. It's also half as much to rent a truck going that direction, than to come here from there. Weird. Anyway, I'm not sure when we'll have internet set up there. Levelland's a stranger to cable internet, so it'll be dial up (horrified scream) or DSL, which I'm somewhat unfamiliar with...in any case, it might be awhile before you hear from me again. (Yes, I know it's been about a month since my last post. Get used to it.)
I'll keep you updated as I can.

Job Search

I hate looking for a job. This is really frustrating and hard and I just want to put my head down and cry.


I lost my job rather suddenly on Friday, so now Justin and I are somewhat at a loss as to what to do. We're still in a lease here until October 31. We'd like to pick up and head back to Levelland, where it feels safe, and the cost of living is considerably lower, but it's so expensive to move...My bills at least, are paid until Aug. 3, and I have enough money to cover one more month after that I think, but this is all very stressful. I spend most of my time crying and sleeping. *sigh*

Oooh and Aah....

This is my ring. I swiped the pic from Zales.com, as my new digital camera hasn't gotten here yet. It's 1/2 carat of diamonds (*squeals*) in 14k white gold.

May I suggest, for anyone shopping for diamonds or jewelry of any sort, that you hit the Zales outlet in the GrapevineMills Mall. It was 70% off. Score huh?

In other news, Justin and I want to have our engagement picture taken somewhere, but there's not a Family Photo around here! They're the people I've depended on for pictures since I was like...6 or something. Anyone have any suggestions? Take your time. I'd like to wait til my face kind of clears up...it's turned into a disaster this week for some reason. I'd also kind of like my hair to grow. Damn haircut. I miss feeling like a girly girl. If I ever mention cutting again, someone please remind me of this.


Justin asked my dad over the weekend if he could marry me.
My dad said yes.
My little sister said, only if we don't have kids.

My dad's permission makes it real. Like, now I'm going to have to decide what kind of wedding I want, and when and all that stuff. This, more than anything else, makes me a grown up.

And that makes me scared. And excited. And sad. But more than anything, just really really happy.

It's like a small circus in my head.

Answers for Annabel

Everyone Knows The Rules

1. How did you meet Justin, how long have you been dating and are there any plans to get married? (Yes, I cheated with 3 questions in one)I met Justin the same way all great couples throughout history have met. On the internet. We've been together officially for about 18 months, and before that we were sort of together on and off for about a year. Yes, we will be getting married at some point in the relatively near future. As soon as we figure out how we want to do it, and when we can afford it.

2. You were on an exercise/weight loss kick a while back. How's that going? What's the secret to your success? Ptth. I lost about 11 lbs. (and dropped one and a half sizes) I've since gotten bored with my workout, and can no longer convince myself to get out of bed at the necessary 5:30am. Signing up for an evening Yoga/Tai Chi class next week. I *like* the way I look, and so does Justin, but I do enjoy being one of those people who exercises. Bragging rights and all...

3. What do you love and hate the most about living in the DFW area? I like living in this area for a lot of reasons. Denton specifically, because it's a very artsy, liberal, friendly community. There's always something to do, even if we don't always take advantage of that. Also, it's really beautiful. And the weather is nice. It'll be really really hot soon, but that's what ACs are for. Things bloom here.

4. If you could become famous for doing something that you don't currently do, what would it be? *sigh* I want to be a famous director of plays. I'm not *currently* involved in theatre at all, so that isn't cheating...if I had to choose something new, I guess I'd want to become famous for something political. The first female president perhaps.

5. If you could physically transport yoruself to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go? I'd transport myself to October. That way, we'd be past these tight money times, and getting ready for the holidays. Or Greece.


There are lots of girls of assorted ages flipping and screaming and wielding asian style weapons on ESPN2 right now. It's really really amusing.

Interview Questions For Patrick

The Rules

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here we go:

1. When was the last time you were really, truly afraid?

2. Even though you've only been married for a little while, how do you think it's changed/changing you?

3. How many polar bears do you own, and what made you decide that that's the thing you wanted to collect?

4. Do you plan on staying in the Canyon/Amarillo area forever, or will the call of a real city lure you away?

5. How is your photography coming? I assume the class is over, but are you still taking pictures?

Not Too Shabby

Your IQ Is 125

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Genius


We went to Hurricane Harbor on Saturday, because, while I really REALLY hate to be wet, it's like Justin's freakin' mecca. (And, I was able to snag discount tickets through my job.) It was a really good time, in spite of, or perhaps because of, nearly drowning in the wave pool on numerous occasions, and screaming my head off on the 'Tornado' which basically drops you down a tube and then flushes you.

However, I am now sunburned. Yes, I know, I subject myself to the evils of tanning beds on occasion (not for two months now...pout), but this is a completely different animal. First of all, there are *tan lines* gross. I haven't started peeling yet, because I'm still in that phase where the burn is really deep into the skin, and feels like a huge burning bruise, but the peeling will start, and soon. If you see me during that phase, make fun at your own risk.

Because I can't wear a shirt yet, (other than my handy dandy tube top) I am off work today.

Interview Questions for Annabel

As the first to request, she gets to have the first questions.

First, so everyone knows: The Rules

  1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

  2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

  3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

  4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

  5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

So here goes:

1. You obviously have a really smart, talented, well adjusted kid. If you knew that you could get the *exact same kid* if he came about during a different time in your life, would you change your history?

2. I've looked at your incredible Marvin the Martian collection on your personal site. How long have you been collecting, and what first sparked your interest in this particular alien?

3. When do you feel the most beautiful/together/elegant?

4. What first sparked your interest, and what ultimately inspired you to convert to catholocism?

5. If you won an all inclusive vacation to any place in the world, with the stipulation that you could only take one average size suitcase, that you had to stay for at least 6 months, that you wouldn't be able to communicate to anyone in English, would you make the trip, and where would you go?

Enjoy. Interview me when you're through!!

Interview Questions From Patrick, and Answers

Here are the rules:
Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. What's happened to all the piercings you used to have, and why?
All gone. I now have one earring in each ear. I go through phases of wanting to be a 'cool girl' and wanting to be a 'grown up.' The piercings (nose, navel, tongue, other 5 earrings) all came about during a 'cool girl' phase, and all except the nose came out during a grown up phase shortly after moving to Denton. (well, the navel came out when I got to fat...). The nosering had to go when I had my job at the tax office known as 'Denton's little corner of Hell.'

2. You can have either a photographic memory or boundless grace. Which would it be?
Boundless grace. My memory is already exceptionally good. I remember everything that I *hear*, as opposed to everything I see. This causes problems sometimes. I'd also like to be more specific in my request for grace though. It would be useful to be blessed with physical grace, as I'm often found falling on my face, but I'd much rather be filled with the kind of grace that allows people to be kind and good and forgiving of others. I hold onto way too much hostility.

3. How many degrees do you have, anyway, and do you plan to do anything specific with them? ho hum...I have an associates in theatre, a bachelors in theatre education, and almost enough credits (missing like 3 classes) to make either a second B.A.(this was an accident, I just ended up taking a lot of extra weird classes), or to make a pretty good start on a Masters. Edited to add: oops, I forgot to answer the rest of the question. I don't know. For the time being, I've sort of lost interest in teaching, especially considering that the Texas legislature basically screwed around this session, and didn't decide on a plan for school funding. I could potentially teach several different classes: Theatre, Speech, English, and possibly Government, but I only want to teach Theatre/Speech. My dream would be to direct in a good, well funded private arts school or community theatre. If you hear of any openings, let me know.

4. Where are the drivers worse, where you are or where I am?
They're different and more aggressive where I am. I don't like it. I'd much rather drive where you are.

5. You find yourself inhabiting a Warner Bros. cartoon. Which character do you seek out for comedic hijinks? Pepe Le Pew. I've always been the kind of girl that wants a guy to chase her.

One more for the Road

You entered: 5/6/1981

You were born on a Wednesday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 3.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444730.5.
The golden number for 1981 is 6.
The epact number for 1981 is 24.
The year 1981 was not a leap year.

As of 6/6/2005 9:50:36 PM CDT
You are 24 years old.
You are 289 months old.
You are 1,257 weeks old.
You are 8,797 days old.
You are 211,149 hours old.
You are 12,668,990 minutes old.
You are 760,139,436 seconds old.

There are 334 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 25 candles on it.

Those 25 candles produce 25 BTU's,
or 6,300 calories of heat (that's only 6.3000 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.86 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is

Poplar, the Uncertainty

Looks very decorative, no self-confident behaviour, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organiser, tends to philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership serious.

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing crescent.

The General Update

I have a new car. It's a happy blue Ford Focus ZX3. Pictures coming soon

Beth has moved out, and Justin has moved in. We have a very clean house, and hosted our first dinner party/barbeque last night. It was delicious.

We have new potential friends. Their names are Amanda and Zane. They were guests at the dinner party, and have been together for about the same amount of time as Justin and me. We're seeing "A Chorus Line" with them this weekend at the Campus Theatre.

Justin, his friend John, and I will be travelling to Levelland the weekend of the 17th to pick up some furniture that my very generous grandmother gave to me. We will be in Amarillo the following weekend for his sister, Ashley's wedding reception.

My younger brother and sister graduated from high school the last weekend in May, and turned twenty this past Saturday. I feel very old.

For the first time in a very long time, I'm really really content with everything in my world.


Annabel tagged me, so first things firs. Then a general update!

1. Total number of books I own: A lot. I haven't bothered to count, and some of them went to recycled books kind of recently. I've stopped buying so many since there's a good library here.

2. The last book I bought: A New Lu. To get some perspective. Upon hearing that I want to wait til I'm 30 to have a baby, the girls at work were horrified. The book's about a newly divorced woman who gets pregnant at 50.

3. The last book I read: I'm reading a book called Elegance right now. It's a re-read, about a woman using a self help book to find her inner elegance.

4. Five books that mean a lot to me: A scrap book that my Aunt Eva Pearl made for me of all the things that happened the year I was born. January-December. It's really sweet and give me a lot of insight into what was going on in my family before I got here, and shortly after. It makes me feel loved.

The Giver by Lois Lowry. It's one of my very favorite books. A children's book, but still very moving.

Blackbird House by Alice Hoffman. It's just fiction, almost written like short stories, about the generations of people who live in a house...but it's very powerful and beautifl. Actually, everything by Alice Hoffman is like that.

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. No one picks this book out themselves. It's always recomended to them by someone else. And the reader always loves it. I have the English and Spanish versions. Perhaps I'll learn Spanish from The Alchemist.

The Undomestic Goddess, by Sophie Kinsella. This book isn't available for purchase until July 19. However, I am waiting with bated breath for it, so it's important.

5. I tag Justin, and Tiffany. I think they're the only people who read my blog that haven't been tagged...

Benadryl and the Devil

Okay, we're all aware that I'm a little psychologically fragile on the best of days. Apparently Benadryl pushes me right over the edge. I've had sort of a stuffy head, snotty nose, itchy eye/ear/throat affliction for the past two days. Each night, I've taken a Benadryl to help me sleep and clear up the stuffy/itchy/snotty. And I've had terrible, very real nightmares. I scream in my sleep, and that wakes me up. Then, I worry about really random things for an hour or two, and then I sleep again. I'm also slightly paranoid and generally nervous. The woman at my window moments ago who wished bad things on my children didn't help much. Hm. I thought *I* was a nutcase. What a wackadoo. I didn't tell her that I didn't have children. She also said "God don't like ugly, but he doesn't like pretty either. Sometimes all that pretty hides the devil." Is she calling me ugly? Pretty? The Devil? I'll go with pretty, it makes me feel less crawly.

Yeah, That's About Right

Your Political Profile

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

So, It's Been Awhile

I haven't posted in awhile...No real reason, I guess, just not much interesting to report. but like I said, it's been awhile, so time for an update.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 24 years old. Justin got me a cake which is the most important thing, as I haven't had a real birthday cake in a very long time. I'm also getting presents, yay!

Everything is settled up with the insurance company after my January wreck, and now all that's left for me to do is find the right car. Shopping begins, perhaps this weekend...

I will be making a trip to Canyon next weekend to see my friend Patrick get married. As his wedding is outdoors, and in the panhandle, not to mention on Friday the 13th, let's hope it doesn't snow.

I went to the doctor last week (maybe the week before) and I've lost eight pounds in about six weeks. A little more than a pound a week, which is less than I want to lose, but just about what is medically recommended, so I'm happy. Also, I can wear my one size smaller than usual pants after they come out of the dryer without lying on the bed to zip. This is great news.

I will be making a trip to Levelland at the end of the month to see my younger brother and sister graduate from high school. I think Justin and I will be staying in a hotel for this. It's just too much stress to stay with my family. There's always a lot going on there, and right now, I'm having an issue with one particular member of that set.

The issue: Apparently someone (I'm assuming my step mother) is going around and telling people that I don't have a degree. This is really pissing me off, for reasons that should be obvious. (Besides the fact that it's got my mom all in a tizzy. ugh.) The only reason that she can behave like that is because I chose not to walk my graduation. I think it's silly is all. Besides, no one had enough interest to come see me when I did plays and the like, why should I bother getting them all together for a 30 second walk across a stage. Even if said walk did cost $30k to take. So anyway, I'll be taking my diploma home over the break and telling the doubters to shove it up their asses.

OH! I just got a balloon boquet from my dad...I could cry. Wow!!

Back to work...feeling much better!!

Well, It Might Be a Little True

You May Be a Bit Histrionic ...

Dramatic and over the top, you crave attention.

And you'll do anything it takes to get noticed.

You love to be seductive, even when it's inappropriate.

If you're ignored, you're easily hurt ... and act out even more!

Getting it Together

I am wearing pants today a size smaller than I have worn in at least a year, probably two. And they are not tight. When I tried on this size in the store about a month ago, I couldn't get them zipped. I feel so pretty! My birthday is in two weeks and two days. I'll be 24. It's funny. That's always the age that I thought of as a real adult when I was younger. (Between the ages of 10 and 18 I guess.) I always thought: "Okay, when I'm 24, everything will be as it should be." I guess we'll see. Things are looking pretty good right now...

Planes and Trains & Automobiles

So, it's been awhile, but I've been busy.

Justin and I had a *great* weekend. We went shopping Friday night, because I needed some spring clothes, (nothing fits anymore!). I got two pairs of pants, a denim skirt, some pajama pants, and six shirts. That makes eighteen possible outfit combinations, and I spent $130!! I feel quite proud indeed. Saturday, we went to the car show in Dallas, which wouldn't normally be my thing, but we always do what I want to do, so it was Justin's turn to pick. I'm so glad we went! I've decided that I want a little bigger car than I originally thought, something more like a Toyota Matrix or Pontiac Vibe or Honda Civic SI. But I also found my dream car. It's the Toyota Prius. A gas electric hybrid that gets 60mph. It's so cool. The price is between 20-25k, so it's a little more than I thought I wanted to pay, so we'll have to wait and see how much I end up with for a down payment etc.
Sunday I cleaned my bathroom. You could eat off the floor. And I got a new cool shower curtain from Target. It's clear vinyl and has a HUGE (like, as tall as me) orange tulip in the center. I put a white curtain behind it, so I felt less...exposed.

Anyway, that's the update. Back to work!

**Editors Note** I am not a stupid girl. I realize that when you measure gas mileage, it's mpg, not mph. The above mistake is a typo. I also know that I could have just changed it and no one would know the mistake, but Justin already commented. Ptth.


D is for Drama

Drama: D'Liesa, my stepsister, filed for divorce officially yesterday afternoon. It was really the only thing left to do. She found an email to the girl that her husband's been cheating on her with (since July!), that made it pretty clear that he was just waiting for a reason to leave her without her knowing that he'd had an affair. Hello, he made it pretty obvious. Idiot. Who leaves a paper trail like that? So anyway, she's putting forth a brave front, and she's got a good lawyer, so I think everything will work out for the best.

More drama: My ex boyfriend, Ryan, sent me some messages on yahoo over the weekend. He's really screwed his life up, from what I can tell, and I'm pretty glad that I'm not around for it. Not sure exactly how much of the drama I believe right now, not that he doesn't intend for it to be true...he just has a rather skewed view of reality sometimes. The good news: while a part of me worries about his general well being, I don't feel compelled to rescue him again. I'm so well adjusted!

Justin started his crossing guard job today. He says that he really likes it, and that makes me really happy. After working such shit jobs for so long, it's time he found something that doesn't make him miserable. This is also good news, because it means that while I'm going to have to spend two paychecks in a row on rent, in order to afford to go to my younger siblings graduations, we'll have his checks to cushion the blow. Thank God.

AND: SuperTarget has really good fruit. Mmh.

The Way Things Should Be

I have a hard time dealing with death. In general. Even if it isn't someone close to me, I don't like it. I have a hard time comprehending that someone can be alive, and a person one minute, and just *not* moments later. I think that towards the end of life, we should start fading slowly until one day, we're just gone. So that people can get used to the idea that perhaps tomorrow, your chair will be empty.

It makes sense if you think about it. That's how it works when we come into the world. We develop slowly over time in our mothers wombs. From nothing, to several stages of non person, and then one day it's ta-da(!) a new human.

Here's what else is going on: My step sisters husband is an ass. He's been obviously cheating on her for a month, and now, the girl,(she's calling herself Sarah, but I suspect that's a lie) has become brazen enough to call D'Liesa's house. (As opposed to Les' cell phone, or something more respectable.) When D'Liesa questions the ass, he tells her it's none of her business. Please. *sigh* D'Liesa's a hot girl. She could easily find someone more acceptable than what she's got. She's afraid of being alone. Unfortunately, I know the feeling all too well. I settled for years for people like Les. Finally, I've found the right person. Finally, I don't feel like I'm settling. I wish everyone could be so lucky.

Some Sad News

We found out yesterday afternoon that one of Justin's friends, Andrew, was killed in a motorcycle accident over the weekend. I only met him once, but I was able to tell, from that short meeting, and from what Justin has said of him, now and in the past, that he was a really great guy. Please think of his family and fiance today.


Someone noticed for the first time (besides Justin, who might be lying to make me feel good), that I've lost weight...or rather, am losing weight. It makes dragging myself out of bed at 5:30 worth it. I'm not sure how much I've lost, as I don't have a scale, but I'm going to try to avoid finding out until my dr.'s appointment on 26 April. That way, I'll have a full two months of killing myself under my belt before I have to face the scale.

In other news, yesterday was not a good day. I didn't get much sleep the night before, so I was just dead tired, and the tinniest thing could push me over the edge and I'd burst into tears. Ridiculous.

AND: Justin's been offered (pretty much) a job as a crossing guard through the city of Denton. It's $600/month for like two hours of work a day. Fabulous. It's not during non-school months, so he'll really get started I guess when school starts again in August, but it's still money that we'll have extra. Yay. Beth's going to remain my roommate through May, so that she doesn't have to move during finals, and that's good, because it's an extra month before I have to start paying a ridiculous amount for rent. Things are looking up.


Okay, spring is actually and officially here. I know they say that it starts March 21st, but I always go by when the time changes, and it's doing that. Tomorrow night.

I didn't get up and exercise this morning. I think I've decided to make Friday my off day, and then add minutes on Saturday to set the tone for the next week. I can't really see any new changes. Justin says I'm "plateau-ing." I don't like it one bit. I'm in a hurry to look good when I go back home at the end of May.

I got paid today, but it's a rent paycheck. bleh. Denton Storytelling Festival is this weekend, it's free, so that'll be fun.

Well, Okay.

You are Ephesians
You are Ephesians.

Which book of the Bible are you?
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Happy Easter

It's freakin cold. I miss the days when Easter was warm, I got a new pink dress, and there was an egg hunt after lunch. However, church this morning was really cool.

Skinny Pants!

I'm wearing my skinny pants today! And they're not tight! And my belly looks flat! (With clothes on anyway, naked, it's a different story.) Yay!

The Payoff.

I am getting thin(ner). True, it's going very slowly, frustratingly slowly, but going nonetheless. Out of the last fourteen days, I've exercised for 11. I don't know if I've lost any actual pounds, that could be seen on the scale, but I do know that when I look in the mirror, I see a different body than was there two weeks ago. My butt is firmer and...perkier, Ditto for my breasts. My hips are smaller, and my belly, while not flat, is certainly less round. My arms don't have that funny rounded shape that made me look wide. I just look *smaller* in general. The biggest difference though, is that my double chin is practically non existant. Nearly gone. I have a jawline. I have cheekbones. Also, the part of my belly, just above my ribcage, below my breasts, is getting skinny - fast. I feel really good about myself for the first time in a very long time. Perhaps by the time I go back to Levelland at the end of May to visit, I'll be beautiful. Perhaps.

Lots Going On

Hm. So last night I went to bed half an hour later than I needed to to get up at 6 this morning and exercise. It wasn't anyone's fault, (except mine), it's just the way it happened, and if I was less in love with getting *exactly* nine hours of sleep, I would have just dragged myself out of bed and done it anyway, but I didn't. And y'know what? I'm cranky about it. Never in my life have I been upset about not working out. I looked forward to those days at school when it was to rainy or cold or something that I didn't have gym/athletics. I think that finally, after nearly twenty four years, my body has decided that it likes exercise. That it looks forward to it even. Today I denied it the pleasure, and now I am cranky. I'm going to do it tonight. And then at 6 am tomorrow. And then every day (almost) for the rest of forever. Ha! I'm going to be so hot. (read: skinnyish) *grin*

Today, in two and a half hours, Justin has a job interview. For a really good job at Best Buy (read: not a sales or floor position). I'm so proud of him, and so excited and so...hopeful. Our lives will be so much better if he gets it...well, maybe not better, we're pretty well off in the scheme of things, but there'll be much less stress in any case.

And more good news...my friend Patrick is engaged. And to an amazing girl (from what I can tell, and I'm a pretty good judge of character usually): Tiffany. I'm so happy that I make these tinny squeaking noises and smile really big. Patrick really deserves this kind of happiness.

Also, as predicted, my dad and Sussan have decided not to come this weekend. And...he (my dad) was kind of rude to me on the phone this morning too. Hmph. The excuse this time is that it's just a regular two day weekend, and they don't think that that's enough time. So he says that they'll come next weekend, which for them, is a four day weekend. However this weekend is my long weekend. *sigh* Doesn't matter. Chances are they won't be here next weekend either. I refuse to get my hopes up again.

Justin and I are going to have fun this weekend anyway. We're going to see Into the Woods at the Campus Theatre, and hang out at the Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth. We've decided that when we get married, we want to have the ceremony and reception there, so it'll be nice to see what's blooming this time of year. I suspect it's everything.

6 am:Not Only For the Old & Crazy

I was really tired yesterday and feeling pretty 'down' in general, so I went from work to the chiropractor, from the chiropractor home, and ate dinner. At about 7:15 I headed to bed without a shower or work out. To make up for the workout (and certainly the shower my short hair gets oily faster than long...) I dragged myself out of bed this morning at 6 (my alarm actually went off at five, but I laid around for awhile convincing myself to get up). I exercised and then showered and dressed, and to tell the truth, I feel better than I have in a long time. I think I'm going to start getting up every day (or at least work days) at 6 and exercising/showering before work. I'll certainly have to adjust my sleeping times though, I guess going to bed at 9 instead of 10, which means *gasp* I'll have to miss CSI and Law & Order. Maybe Justin will record them for me. So anyway, it's been a really good day so far, but I'm still glad that it's halfway over.

But First, A Haiku

I do not want to be here.
I want to be home
in bed or on the sofa.

So, it's not a good day. The weekend was good, I got a lot of sleep and a lot of exercise, and a lot of time to cuddle Justin and watch TV and do nothing. I slept enough last night, and there was no reason for me to wake up this morning and just *not* want to come to work.

But that's what happened.

I'm cranky, and feel sort of...heavy (in spite of the fact that the past week or so of exercise seems to be paying off). AND my supervisor decided today to bring me all the work that I've made mistakes on for the past three months. hurray.

I hate feeling like I'm not good at this job. I learn quickly, and that's what everyone here is saying: "you picked up on this so fast!" So why do I have a stack of trouble on my desk? It's quite frustrating. And it's also frustrating, that I feel like they don't like me. Perhaps that part is paranoia. Perhaps.

So I confirmed (again) with my dad and Sussan today that they are indeed coming this weekend. Why all the confirmation you ask? Well, because they tend to say that they're coming, and I clean the house furiously, make all sorts of plans and get excited, only to find that on the day of, they call and cancel. This happens on a fairly regular basis.

One good thing: I found these shoes that I really really want: http://www.mbt-shoe.com/
They have lots of benefits, as you'll see on their website, and an actual podiatrist (sp?) recommended them to the news for cellulite and back/joint problems. Hm. I have all those things! The only thing is, they're kind of expensive, $234. I'm going to ask for them for my birthday, which is coming up in May, and see what happens.

General Update

So, it's Friday, and it's been five days since I posted at the begginning of the week. I haven't really had any computer time. Normally I use the computer in the courtroom at work on my lunch to post, but I've been out of the building for lunch every day this week except Monday and yesterday. Yesterday, Justin brought me a chicken salad for lunch, and I tried to eat in here, but crazy people kept coming in and wanting to go to court. Ptth. They're supposed to wait in the hall like the criminals they are! *grin*

Anyway, I've exercised every day this week, except yesterday, because yesterday was my late night at work, and I'm writing down everything I eat. It doesn't mean that I'm eating any better, but at least I'm aware. Justin's going to start taking front and side pics of me in my panties and tank top once a week, on Mondays, so that I can see my progress in the weight loss arena.

Next weekend My dad, Sussan, Stacy and Steven are coming to visit, I think. That's the plan anyway. I hope that we end up going to the Ft. Worth Zoo that Saturday. We didn't get to see the giraffes last time, and I want to.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

It's back to work I go.

Justin and I had a fantastic weekend together, after a blow up on Friday morning. For awhile, I was afraid all was lost, but it's looking pretty hunky dory now. I'm back to work today. I slept really well last night, and felt good when I woke up this morning, but suddenly I'm feeling really run down. My head feels kind of numb and tingly...actually, everything does. Weird.

I have a new obgyn. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I had an appointment last Tuesday, for general checkup and annual exam (read: pap smear. bleh), I also scheduled to have a blood test for my thyroid, which I thought had been acting up. (test results on Saturday: Negative) Anyway, my doctor is wonderful. She's funny and kind of young and not at all thin. I hate skinny doctors. AND she gave me a goodie bag! It's actually just my new birth control,(Seasonale, hurray, only 4 periods a year!) but it came in a little hot pink and black make-up case, with an "entertaining and educational video" and a sticker. I love it when I get stickers. NOW sent me one a week or so ago, and I was just *thrilled.* It's the little things y'know?


This is also the one that's on my profile, but I think it's the best one, so I'm adding a big one. Sue me. Posted by Hello

One More

I like this one too, even though I think it makes my arms look a little...fat. Should've gone without the bra strap. Posted by Hello


I think this is a really cute picture, and the blanket is very effective at hiding my *small* extra chin. :) Posted by Hello

What Do Ya Know...

It worked. I managed to post one of the new pics Justin took of me to my profile without much drama at all. Hm. You'll all notice the short haircut, there've been a few requests for pics of it, and also the lack of nosering and tan. Hopefully in the next weeks, both nosering and tan will return. I'm going to try and post some more pics on this now...we'll see how it works.

Oh, and I got up at 8:30 this morning, ate breakfast, watched church on TV and exercised on my gazelle. Huzzah!

New Pics

Justin took some new pictures of me last night, perhaps I'll post a couple of them here, if I decide I don't look too fat or puffy or oily or goofy.

His truck is officially in the shop today. A herd of boys came over yesterday afternoon/evening and tried to work on it,but they broke two tools trying to get the bolts off. Trouble. After a couple of hours they gave up and we went to eat barbeque. Then they all went upstairs to play video games the rest of the night. Ptth.

I did manage to get all of my laundry done and watch the Oscars yesterday. That's officially it. God I love weekends.


The Phantom of the Opera is a wonderful musical. It's an amazing show and one of my favorites. The new movie version, which came out this year is also very very good. But it is so freaking depressing. For those of you not familiar, here are some lyrics:

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again:
You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and father
Then my world was shattered

Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could

Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental
Seem for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle

Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?

Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try

No more memories, no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say goodbye
Help me say goodbye

There's a new song written just for the movie version and performed in the movie credits by Minnie Driver (the rest of her singing in the movie, as the diva is dubbed). As if the show doesn't have enough sad sad music. This is the most depressing thing ever. (Even though it is really appropriate):

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Ever dreamed out in the world
There were arms to hold you?
You've always known
Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved

It's enough to make you need a hug.


Remember the show "Boy Meets World" that came on ABC from 93-2000? I was wondering what happened to the girl that played Tapanga (Danielle Fishel), because she was such a cutie, and I ran across this quote:

"I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs. I shop, okay?"
-Danielle Fishel

LoL We could be the same person!
(She was actually born the day before me, same year, so maybe it's just a Taurus thing...)

New Blog

I have a new blog. It's basically a dream journal. I needed a place to write down all the strange things that happen in my head at night. Read it if you want to:

Such Stuff As Dreams Are Made Of

If It's Not One Thing...

It's another.

Thursday night the starter on Justin's truck went out. Luckily, it was parked in front of the apartment office when it went, so we didn't have far to walk to get home, but it still sucked. So, it's still there today, but I think tomorrow he has some friends coming to help him push it up the hill to here so he can fix it.
Today I'm cleaning, sort of. I get up and move some things around, and then sit again to watch Dr. 90210. I love to watch plastic surgery. It freaks Justin out, so he's upstairs now, presumably also cleaning. I hope he's making better progress than I am.

No Surprise Here.

Your Brain is 86.67% Female, 13.33% Male

You have the brain of a girly girl
Which isn't a bad thing at all
You're emphatetic, caring, and in tune with emotions.
You're a good friend and give great advice.

Making Progress.

So, after twenty-five minutes of holding, someone at the IRS finally answered the phone. And told me what I already knew: that my refund had bounced back, and that they'd be sending me a paper check on Mar. 4. So, why did I call, you ask, well, because they sent me an email today that said I needed too. Oh well, at least now I have a definate approximate time. *grin* Not all is lost. Justin should be getting his refund on Friday, yay, just in time for the weekend. (Although, I think he's doing something responsible and not at all fun with his cash.)

True...Very True

How strange that so many people go through the same things. Just when you think you're alone...

Stolen from Annabel who stole it from Martha Martha:

Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.
~ HenriNouwen society

This is Important

Free Mojtaba and Arash Day

And Another One...For Justin

Also By Rumi:
(I don't know the title...)
The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.

A Poem

Sometimes I Forget Completely
Sometimes I forget completely what companionship is.
Unconscious and insane, I spill sad energy everywhere.
My story gets told in various ways: a romance, a dirty joke, a war, a vacancy.
Divide up my forgetfulness to any number, it will go around.
These dark suggestions that I follow, are they part of some plan?
Friends, be careful. Don't come near me out of curiousity,
Or sympathy.

There's All This...

I had a really good weekend. Justin woke me up at 8 on Saturday and went to get breakfast fromt he gourmet doughnut shop (mmm doughnuts and pigs 'n' a blanket, hot chocolate). It was a really nice surprise, and the food was *excellent.* It was important that I eat all the things that I crave over the weekend, because today, I've started SlimFast. Yuck. I did get though, instead of the SlimFast snack bars, a box of fat free fudge pops. They have fewer calories and less fat than SF's snack bars, and I figure they'll curb the ice cream craving that I get on a regular basis.

Saturday afternoon we did a little shopping, but it was kind of depressing, because I kept picking out things that I wanted and/or needed and then talking myself out of buying whatever it was. I did end up with some fuscia sheets (half price at Ross!) and a green t-shirt that suitable for the spring weather *and* for work. (yay Target!). Saturday night we went to see Forum, and it was excellent. I want so badly to get involved in theatre again, and Campus does such good shows, but I'm just too afraid. It's really hard to audition at a new theatre, where everyone already knows everybody else. After you get to know us, theatre people are fun and open and great friends, but if you're new to the group, it's pretty scary. *sigh*

Sunday was boring boring. We got some groceries (and the above mentioned diet foods) and just kind of hung out at the house. I was supposed to go to a "stamping party," (like a tupperware party, except with craft stamps), with a girl from my office, but I just couldn't do it. I'm too afraid of the rejection of other people. I want friends so desperately, but I can't bring myself to risk being ignored or ridiculed. Have I always been this way? I don't know. I don't remember how I went about making friends in the past. It's been a long time since I had someone that I could call in the middle of the night or go shopping with. I miss that.

I've started to feel depressed. (again) I don't want to come to work anymore, and I don't want to...well, I don't really want to do anything. I feel really unattractive and lonely. There is no excuse for this. I have everything that I need. I'm trying very hard to convince myself that if I get more sleep tonight, it will be better. (I was sick at 2am.)

It's Justin's birthday. For the next 2 months, we're the same age.


Anybody know how I can change my "comments" thing to say another word? Patrick maybe? And I still want a list of blogs I read...

General Rantings.

Well, it's finally spring, or...Pretending to be spring for the time being. This is my favorite season. It's warm and pretty and all my favorite flowers start to peek through. Tulips, daffodils and irises will be everywhere in just a few weeks. I wish I could keep plants alive for more than a few days at a time. The bamboo on my desk is doing okay, and I seem to have nursed the little cactus that Sybil tried to neglect into oblivion back to health, but it's only a matter of time...

I hate Wednesdays. It's this middle of the week that makes me tired and rundown. Monday and Tuesday are the beginning, full of possibilities, Thursday and Friday are practically the weekend, but Wednesday. It's almost pointless to get out of bed. I think that American society should definitely go to a four day work week.

I am excited about this weekend thought, Monday will be Justin's birthday, so we're celebrating over the weekend, with dinner at Outback Steakhouse (they have the best hamburger *ever*). We're also going to see "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum" at the Campus Theatre. I'm *very* excited about the play, as it's one of my favorites. I wish they'd make a new movie version. I know that one already exists, and it's okay, but it's in that terrible technicolor where everything kind of looks orange, and I can hardly stand to watch it.

Justin called his mom on Sunday night to thank her for the valentine stuff that she sent us and she was a total cow to him, because apparently his uncle paid off his truck for him, after receiving a couple of late notices. (Justin had already worked out a payment plan with the bank, but Uncle Calvin didn't know that.) She (Patsy) said that Calvin had gotten repossession notices and that he paid it, but if Justin didn't get him $1800 right away he'd come take his truck. (She also yelled at him about a whole lot of other crap, drama queen that she is, but I won't go into it) So, Justin called his uncle yesterday afternoon, and he was completely cool about it. He said that he a) had NOT gotten repossession notices about the truck, and b) that he had just been in a position to pay for it, so he did, and that Justin could pay him back as he got the extra money. Hm. Little indicrepency isn't there?

It makes me so mad that Justin's mom freaks out and yells and lies to him to upset him. I guess that's why she's doing it. I can't think of any other reason. My parent's never behave like that. I think that she just wants him to feel like such a failure here, and in his life that he has to move back home and be with her. Well that's just too bad. She has to let her kids grow up and have their own lives or there's going to be some serious repercussion, and she's going to lose them. Where would she be then huh? So, once again, Justin's going to try and ignore her for awhile 'til she gets off whatever tear she's on. *Sigh.*

It's nice to have parents that are grown ups.

PS: I think I've broken the little toe on my left foot. It's okay though, 'cause now I have TV in my room! Ah, the price of entertainment. *smirk*

Well That's Kind of Hot!

You're a lollipop!! You're known for your coolness,
for you are a trend setter. You're a natural
leader, and are good under pressure. People
often seek you out for advice, for you have
great insight.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ain't It The Truth...

Yeah, Baby!
Psycho Kitty! You don't like to be crossed and
will take it out on anyone who is stupid enough
to try!

What kind of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's Not As Desperate As It Sounds.

So, Valentine's Day is over and I can really let loose and be honest about what I think of the holiday. It sucks. First of all, I'd really rather be single on V-Day (Rhymes with D-Day. Coincidence? I think not.), and not because I don't love my wonderful boyfriend, but because then you can sit around with your girlfriends (not that I have girlfriends...) in your pajamas (which you bought for the occasion, comfy, not sexy) and eat Haagen Daz and watch When Harry Met Sally for romance and Chasing Amy for perspective, and bitch about what a stupid holiday it is.

However, when you have a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend whatever you have to pretend all day long that it's some special day, that it is the one day a year that you're depending on to feel loved and wanted and sexy. Everyone acts sad for you when you don't get flowers at work (even when their flowers are hideous orange and purple roses bleh). Everyone wants you to have the same kind of holiday, wants you to "feel loved on Valentine's Day!"

Justin makes me feel loved and wanted and sexy every day that we're together. Even the days when I know that it's hard to love me, and when I sure don't look sexy. He makes me know how lucky I am to be in my situation, even when all I can see is that sometimes the world sucks. He's the greatest boyfriend that anyone could ever ask for. I don't need anything from him that he doesn't give me every day. I'm happy with him. More than happy. We don't need pink streamers and candy hearts to say I love you.

And then Valentine's Day crept up on us, and he felt so sad that he couldn't send me flowers at work. Felt bad that I didn't have chocolate or a card or any of the crap that goes with it. And then the attitude seeped into me. I felt dark and cheated. Everytime someone got flowers at my office (yes even the ugly ones!), I was jealous and sad. I came home with that. I came home with all the animosity that I'd built up all day long, to the person that I love, and tried to have a yucky time. And that sucks. He worked really hard to make me a gift, which, despite what he says, I love. But it's not about the gift. And it shouldn't be.

We need to show the people that we love how we feel about them every day. I don't like that we use this holiday as an excuse to put off our affection. We shouldn't wait around to treat someone well. To let them know that we appreciate what they do. Valentine's Day is an excuse, but it's not an excuse to show love, it's an excuse to wait to show love for 11 months of the year, and I don't like that.

And, just so you know, I did get out of my funk last night. After a couple of hours of complaining about anything that I could think of I decided that it was a waste, and not reflective of what I believe at all. I lit candles and cleaned my room and Justin and I gave each other delicious massages. We spent lots of quality time talking and cuddling. And in the end, that's the best thing that could have happened.

I'd like the 'no gifts valentines day' to become our tradition, I think it makes us look for better things to do, better things to talk about. I'd also like to find something that reminds me to make him feel loved every day, like he does with me, and not save it for a 'holiday.'

~Happy Valentine's Day!~

This is the second year in my life that I've had a real Valentine. (And the same one both years, imagine that!) Justin is the best thing that I could ever ask for. He's sweet and thoughtful and sensitive. We're actually going to celebrate over the weekend, because that's when there will be money to celebrate with, but it makes me happy just to know that he'll be there when I get home tonight.
The other good news is that we have chocolate dipped strawberries, love potion cake, Valentine M&M's and Hershey's Kisses in the office today. Hurray for women who eat well!


I went to bed kind of early last night, tired from a long day/week at work. About 4am I heard shouting boys outside. I figured that it was just the guys that live upstairs coming home from an evening at the bar and tried to roll over and go back to sleep. A few minutes later, Justin came into my bedroom looking for my phone to call the police. I asked why and he said that the guys outside were not our neighbors, but a band of about fifteen strange boys running around with a baseball bat and breaking out peoples windows. (House or car, I'm not sure which.) He finally got hold of the police and they had already sent a car out. He told them that the truck they were in was parked in front of my apartment, and gave them a description and license plate number. While he was doing that a boy ran by my bedroom window. He gave the police his description. Sooon there was a police car in our parking lot and they pulled a girl out of the truck that the boys came in. She apparently tried to tell the police that she didn't know the boys and that she was just smoking a cigarette or whatever, but they didn't believe her. The police caught all the boys, except for the one who was actually wielding the bat. They arrested all of them. We think that the bat boy ran around the building and climbed up the apartment above mine. There was banging on their back door and then lots of pacing up there, but we're not totally sure. Anyway, it was scary and weird. We're still not entirely sure what went on and why, but when I go to work on Monday, I'm going to pull up the report and see what it says besides "criminal mischief." It really was the strangest thing ever. There hasn't been this much exictement here since the drug dealers got evicted from upstairs. *shiver*

We also got chocolate, beef jerky and ten dollars in the mail today for Valentine's Day from Justin's parents. And I got some of my Xcel stock to hold onto and cash when I'm ready to make a downpayment on a new car. I'm thinking a Honda Civic or a Nissan Altima. I can get either (2002) for between 11 and 13K. Hurray!

General Update

Justin and I have been snarky with each other for a couple of weeks, and while I feel that it's PMS related we're also doing an experiment. We're going to go for two days in a row seeing very little of each other in between spending our regular amount of time together (which is a lot). Then we'll see if we're happier on the days that we have together. I think it's a good plan. (It was mine after all.) Yesterday was the first of our alone days, and it was fine. I watched TV, had a really good sandwich and chocolate milk, and read a little. He played video games and drove around with Jeff to see if they could find something for Jeff to take pictures of. Fun times. Today he has a headache, so it's just as well that this is our second alone day. He isn't very social when he doesn't feel well.

In other news, I'm asking the insurance company of the truck that ran into me for more money. I think I deserve a little compensation for the fact that I missed three days of work right after starting a new job, and now my bosses think I'm not dependable. Also, I'm very nervous when I'm the passenger in a car, and too scared to even think about driving. If I hear tires squeal anywhere I totally freak out. My back still hurts, all the time, and will probably continue to cause problems for a very long time to come. AND I've been having these weird horrible headaches that feel like someone's driving a spike into my skull.

We'll see what happens. I'll keep you updated.

Direct Deposit Disaster

Yesterday was the most frustrating day ever. It started out like a normal day, and then Justin came to my office at 11. (Which for those of you keeping track is now my new lunch hour.) I was happy to see him until he told me that he was there with bad news.


Apparently the account that my check was supposed to be direct deposited into yesterday afternoon was closed on Wednesday due to "inactivity." Well of course it's been inactive! It's been empty, happily awaiting my check! What are you supposed to do with an empty bank account? Ugh.
So, we went to HR and they told me that all they could do was wait for my check, currently floating in cyberspace to be bounced back to them. Hopefully today, so that I can have a check by Monday. We called the bank who offered to open a new account, but when asked if they could transfer my money directly into that they said no. Well what good would a new account be then?! Soon we realized that that was just the beginning of the problems. My IRS refund check was also slated to be deposited into that account. After half an hour of talking to automated IRS hotlines, we finally got a person who told us the same thing HR had. They have to wait until it bounces back too, and then cut a paper check which will take a couple of extra weeks. AUGGH. I don't want to wait extra weeks for my money, that's why I e-filed and why I asked for direct deposit in the first place. Stupid bank. They should have at least called or something so that I could have notified HR and had my paycheck redirected.

On top of that, rent was due yesterday. Naturally. I was totally freaking out because if it's late, that's a $75 penalty, plus $10 per day until it's completely paid, and I had no idea how long it would be before I had money. Thankfully Justin's stellar roommate paid my rent, which I'll pay him back for.

Also, apparently the electricity was turned off in my apartment yesterday morning. Beth forgot to pay the bill, but it's on now, so I guess it's worked out.

Anyway, I'm still incredibly angry about this whole situation. No one I've talked to thinks that a bank can close an account without some notice to the account holder, but I don't know if I have any recourse in this. *sigh* I really wanted to do something for Valentine's Day, but I don't get paid again til the 18th (assuming HR gets it together and doesn't try the direct deposit again). Oh well, there's still Justin's birthday on the 21st. We're going to see "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" at the Campus Theatre and maybe eat at Fudrucker's. Mmmh.

So This is in My Head Today:

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes- and ships- and sealing wax-
Of cabbages- and kings—

The complete transcript can be found Here:http://www.birdsnest.com/walrus.htm
along with lovely illustrations, for those of you who would also like to have it in your head.


Justin had a long night Monday night, and a busy day yesterday, so it makes sense that he'd take an afternoon nap before coming to pick me up at work. Except that he slept through his alarm and my phone calls (boy was *tired*) and I ended up walking most of the way home. He woke up half an hour late and freaked out and rushed to come find me. He picked me up about three and a half blocks from home. (Luckily, 'cause that was the uphill portion of the ride.) I didn't really mind walking. It's mostly sidewalk, so I didn't have to walk on the edge of the street. I needed the exercise (it's almost a two mile walk), and yesterday was a beautiful day. I'd worn my new pink tennis shoes to work, so everything was hunky dory. Until last night.

My right knee decided to take revenge on me for the unexpected work and my back, which had been feeling much better, thanks to lots of visits to Dr. Noell, started aching and hurting and being generally unpleasant. They tag-teamed me!! So this morning everything hurts. I have an appointment at the chiro this afternoon, thank goodness. I know he's going to yell at me though, for overdoing it while I'm still "fragile." *Sigh*

*Sigh* It's Always Vanilla

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream!

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

How Sweet.

Kiss Me

Your Candy Heart Is "Kiss Me"

You're a romantic at heart - which is quite sweet

You fall quickly and often for many people you meet.

While you're romantic, you've been know to crawl up with a dirty book

Warning to all: You're not as innocent as you may look.

What Naughty Candy Heart Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Growing Up.

Today is my dad's birthday. I just got off the phone with him and he doesn't sound like he should be 49. That just sounds so much older than he is. I've always thought of my dad as a young dad. He's younger than most of my friends' parents, younger than Justin's parents, but 49? That's just a year away from 50. I never thought that my parents would be in their 50s. It makes me feel like an adult. Is that strange, basing the way I feel on the ages of my parents?

I don't feel like a grown up most of the time. I still feel like I need to ask someone's permission before I go to the mall at night, or stay out past 12. I don't smoke, I don't really drink often, I'm not married with kids. Those are all the things I associate with being an adult. I still get a thrill when I go on a trip alone or with friends, like I'm leaving authority for a few days. What authority? I still call my mom and dad when I'm hurt or worried or when something good happens, even if it's something very small. I just wonder when it is that I won't feel that urge.

I wonder if my mom feels like a grown-up. She's been married and divorced, remarried. She has children (grown children!?) She has a house and a couple of cars and two dogs. She takes care of her mother. But does she still get that little jump in her chest when she leaves the house by herself? When she orders a margarita in a restaurant (which she doesn't actually...) is she afraid the waiter will laugh at her and not bring it? I doubt it.

My younger brother and sister are graduating from high school in May. This makes me feel old and young at the same time, in a weird way. I can look at the calendar and acknowledge "yes, they are 19 years old and they are graduating. We are all officially, legally, adults. (?!)" But at the same time, the other half of my mind screams "WHAT? They're not graduating, they're 8! You're 12! Forget this nonsense! Go ask your parents if you can go to Sonic." Justin's the same way with his little sister. She's 20, and she's dating a man with a child and it totally freaks him out. He's like "but she's just 16!" It comforts me that if I'm crazy for thinking this way, that I'm not the only one.

Dirty Laundry

Justin and I had the best weekend. We slept late, went for a walk and didn't get snippy with each other at all. I think that it's a sign that we've both managed to destress about money and work and school and take a deep breath.

However, my fantastic weekend came to an abrupt end in the middle of the night last night. I went to bed at 10:30 so I'd be sure to get enough sleep to get me through my first official day of training at work today. Then, at 1:36 I woke up sweaty and smothered, even though at some point, I'd managed to kick off all my blankets. I drag myself out of bed and realize that the heater has been switched on. As far as I'm concerned, the heater should never be switched on here. We live in Denton, not Denver. It's rarely, if ever cold enough for the heater. So, I switched it back to AC, but at a high enough temperature, that the ac didn't actually kick on, and headed back to bed, relieved at having missed being melted. Not two minutes later, I hear Beth's bedroom door open and the tinny *click* of the switch being moved again. I think that my head is going to explode, but instead, I throw myself out of bed and into my robe, flinging my bedroom door open, to find Jeff, Beth's boyfriend standing suspiciously near the thermostat. "Did you turn the heater back on?" (at this point, I'm trying to keep my head from spinning around) He says no, that he just turned it to a neutral 'off,' but that we shouldn't turn the ac on because then "we might as well be sleeping outside." Well it's COMFORTABLE outside. We live in EAST TEXAS. So I'm still mad, but decide that I can live, and head back to bed, turning my fan on 'helicopter' speed.

After a few minutes, I manage to drift off again, and I sleep for about 45 minutes when a clickclickclick whoosh clickclickclick wakes me again. Jeff is doing laundry. Okay...but why does he keep starting the load over and over again? I wait a few minutes, certain that the madness will end, but it doesn't. So again, I drag myself out of bed, furious, because I have to be at work in 5 hours, and open the door. He looks at me and says "the rinse cycle isn't holding any water, it just drains back out, so I'm trying to fix it." I shrug and head back to my room, sure that he'll give up and go to bed soon, but at the same time wondering why on earth he'd choose the middle of the night to start on laundry. The noise doesn't stop. Finally, I can't take it anymore and head upstairs to tattle to Justin. He comes down and apparently Jeff has fixed the washer and is done with that whole mess. At this point, I'm furious and tired and just want to go to sleep. Justin tucks me back in and I drift off. TWENTY minutes laterJeff's at it again, banging the dryer door open and shut. This time I get too mad for confrontation and ignore it until it goes away.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it unreasonable for me to want to sleep between 1:30 and 3:00 am? I'd be more understanding of this if it had happened during an afternoon nap. People should do laundry during the day, sleeping should be done at night, that's fine. Laundry should not be done in the middle of the night!! It's just not the way things are. I know I'm whiny, but this is just about the last straw. I can't wait for Beth to move out. The sooner the better. I've started to really resent that Beth's parents pay her rent and anything else she needs while I had to work all through college. I resent her for sleeping all day and then sleeping some more at night. I resent her for not having the common courtesy to LET ME SLEEP on a MONDAY NIGHT before I have to be at work. I don't know how much longer I can take this. She's moving out in March or April. I just hope I haven't pulled all my hair out by then.