Hannah Bee

Today is my niece, Hannah's, 5th birthday. I cannot believe that she's 5 years old.

I love this kid. She's bright and funny and a total drama queen.

In July, she will no longer be the only little girl in the family, but I can't imagine that she'll be bothered in the least.

Because she absolutely knows how fabulous she is.

It's Aaron's Birthday!!

Today is my friend Aaron's birthday. I will not be disclosing her age, because she's unhappy about it, but I will tell you that she is younger and more glamorous than I am, and should therefore get over it. Aaron is fantastic. We've only been friends for a few months, but during this time she has become instrumental in helping me maintain my sanity. I feel like I can tell her things that I would never tell anyone else, and that she understands them. She never tells me that I'm being ridiculous. She never makes me feel bad about who I am or the things that I like. (Except that one time with Hannah Montana.) And she totally understands exactly how amazing it feels to find the perfect shade of nail polish, which you've been searching for for months. We're so alike in our feelings and experiences that I feel as if we could be, should be, sisters. She even dated Justin, like a hundred years ago, so she has that interesting bit of perspective. She can also walk in heels, apply eye makeup, and sing opera. Perhaps someday she'll teach me.

I love you Aaron!! Happy Birthday!!


Marlowe has a head wound. It appeared a few days ago (I just now managed to get a picture), we don't know what happened, but he doesn't seem bothered. I suspect that he thinks he makes him look tough. You know, tough but sensitive.


I love feet. Justin's feet are my favorite part of him, and mine are probably my favorite part of me, so I really, really like these pictures that we took tonight.

My feet. Smooth and pretty and girly.

Justin's feet. They're really dense and tough and real. I love them so much.


Justin got his official acceptance into Nursing School today!!!!!

Sense Memories

1. The fur collar on the fire department jacket my dad had when I was a little girl. It was the softest thing I'd ever felt and I loved to rest my face against it and stroke it with my fingers when he came home from work. It always smelled like smoke (from various burning things, not cigarettes) and something undefined. These are still the smells that I associate with Dad. Smoke and something else.

2. Spending the night at my grandparents' house. (My mother's parents.) The sheets on the bed were super smooth from hundreds of washings and always cool. There was an egg crate, upside down, under the sheet and I loved to run my fingers over the bumps. I could hear the tick of the big clock in the living room and put myself to sleep with it's steady rhythm, only to be startled awake when it chimed the hour. I have a set of these sheets, but, sadly, they don't fit on either bed.

3. The first time a boy kissed me. On a school bus, me half asleep and cold under his jacket. We were on our way to a speech and debate tournament at 4 o'clock in the morning and I couldn't keep my eyes open. He was singing me songs, all the "rock ballads", and his voice was surprisingly good. Then suddenly he kissed me and I was too surprised and sleepy to know what to do. I never even opened my eyes. He called me Vicky, my character's name in our duet acting piece. I've always wondered if he was kissing me or her.

Ipod Meme

I was tagged to play this on Facebook today and I thought my answers were so weirdly accurate that I wanted to post it here too. Also, I'm not ashamed of all the bad music that I love so there!!

The Rules:

1. Put your iPod or iTunes (or whatever) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You MUST use that song name, no matter how silly it sounds!!
4. Tag whoever you want (or nobody).
5. Have Fun!

(Note: I don't feel like going on a big tag-fest; if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged.)

1) If someone says 'are you okay' you say...?
"Over Me"--Tricky

2) How would you describe yourself?
"Don't Know Much" -- Linda Ronstadt

Okay, this one I am ashamed of. Why is that even on here? Ew.

3) What do you look for in a love interest?
"Ironic" --Alanis Morisette

4) How do you feel today?
"Run Around" --Blues Traveler

5) What is your life's purpose?
"Papa Don't Preach" --Madonna


6) What's your motto?
"Happy Girl" --Martina McBride

Hey, that's not a bad motto! I'm working on it.

7) What do your friends think of you?
"If You Were Here" --Thompson Twins.

Makes sense, as almost all of my friends are several hundred miles away.

8) What do your parents think of you?
"Daydream Believer" The Monkees

Hmm, that's kind of what I think of me too...

9) What do you think about very often?
"Wonderful" --Everclear

Also, is this question worded strangely? It sounds funny in my head.

10) What do you think about your first kiss?
"You Give Love a Bad Name" --Bon Jovi

Surprisingly accurate. Or maybe not surprising at all.

11) What do you think of your best friend?
"Fresh Feelng" -- Eels

12) What is your life story?
"Superman" -- Lazlo Bane

13) What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Windmills" --Toad the Wet Sprocket

14) What will you dance to at your wedding?
"American Girl" --Tom Petty

Sadly, there was no dancing at my wedding, but I *do* dance around to this in the kitchen.

15) What will they play at your funeral?
"Into the Great Wide Open" -- Tom Petty

I think this is an excellent choice. Justin write that down!

16) What is your hobby/interest?
"Murder of One" --Counting Crows

Hopefully this is referring to my frequent viewings of CSI.

17) What is your biggest fear?
"Lost Cause" --Beck


18) What is your biggest secret?
"You're the First Time I've Thought About Leaving" -- Reba McIntire

**uncomfortable silence**

19) What do you want right now?
"Good Life" Francis Dunnery

Don't we all?

20) What do you think of your friends?
"What the World Needs Now Is Love" -- The Carpenters


Guy Gonna Do Stuff

Justin is in the kitchen doing dishes (yes, I know, I'm very lucky). There are a lot of dishes to do. I haven't really been able to motivate myself to get in there and do any of them, primarily because the battery in my ipod was dead (it lives again). So anyway, a huge pile of dishes to do. With that in mind, why does he keep coming in here doing other things, like repairing the handle of my frying pan (totally was not broken) and shaking out the silverware drawer? (He says the drawer was dirty.) Is it possible that he's giving himself extra chores so that he doesn't have to wash the dishes? Or perhaps the act of doing dishes inspired some kind of CLEAN EVERYTHING mood. I do that sometimes. I think that I'll just straighten up the living room and then suddenly I'm elbow deep in bathroom scrub. In any case, Justin's frenzy is making me feel guilty for not helping. Although not guilty enough to go help. Yet.

The Blue Zone

Good things have happened today, but I still feel like I'm living in black and white. Like all the color has been sucked right out of me.

Here are the things Justin says to me when I'm sad.

Don't let yourself get lost in this.

Don't let it cover you up.

I love you more than anything.

It will be okay.

And sometimes it is.

Just Some Stuff

UPDATE: Justin got the job at Toys 'R' Us!!!!!!

We are currently waiting to find out whether Justin has been accepted into nursing school. I'm not particularly worried about it, since the nursing advisor told him that he's the best candidate she's ever seen. He has excellent grades in all his classes, and very fancy letters of recommendation. The last day for applications was March 27 (his stuff was in well before then) and the school says that it could be anywhere between 2 and 6 weeks before the letters go out. He's also got a job interview tomorrow at Toys 'R' Us.

There's no reason for this pic to be here, it's just new and good.

School ends on May 29, and I am going to have to get my act together very soon and find a job for the summer so that we don't have to be crazy broke for 3 months. (As opposed to our usual state of being dead broke. Crazy broke is much worse.) Otherwise, things are okay. I finally got my pills in the mail, so I'm not feeling so unstable and emotional and angry. I know that it will be several days before I'm back at 100% sane (Hahahaha like I've ever been there!), but I can already feel a definite difference.

It's been too windy to ride our bikes. (Primarily because the wind is full of dirt, and being sandblasted is even less pleasant than it sounds.) To make up for the lack of biking, I've been doing extra time on the ellilptical, and a couple of nights ago I played Wii boxing at my aunt's house. That is one serious workout. The muscles in my back and arms and belly are still sore and stiff. I'm thinking of asking my mom for a Wii of my very own for my birthday.

Oh yes, the birthday. It's May 6 and I will be 28. That makes me want to throw up. I'm two years away from 30, which I had really been looking forward to, but now I feel like I've had 30 years of life and I'm still exactly where I started. Well, not exactly where. My skin and hair have changed and I'm trying desperately to find something to make my hair shiny again and my skin soft and nothing seems to be working. I'm in a total panic. Justin tells me that my age is not the issue. That my stress level has been through the roof and that it's just showing up on me now. I don't like that explanation. I want there to be some sort of lotion or potion to give me my looks back. Has anyone out there discovered the Fountain of Youth? (Cher? Are you reading this blog?) I think it might be found in the new Biore Preservation line of products (at least for my face), but I haven't tried them yet.

One other thing. I'm going to try to go back to school in the fall. I suspect that this will either make me feel young again or very, very old. But now that I've talked about it here I have to do it. Wow.


This is pretty much every conversation that Justin and I have when there is a choice to be made. I'm pretty sure it's like that for everyone.

Adopting the Stacy Attitude

In the picture to the right is my younger sister, Stacy. She's famous among our family members for her 'I don't care' attitude. You confront her about something that embarrasses her, for example, the one time she got lunch detention in high school, and she says "I don't care." You tell her she can't go somewhere or do something that she's been wanting to she says "so" with such confident belligerence that you don't dare bother her with it again. You tell her she's got a stain on her shirt, that her pants are too big or that she's having a bad hair day, and she brushes it off with a snappy "whatever."

It's remarkable, really, and I've decided to dive right in. I'm joining the party and adopting the Stacy Attitude. It will be awesome. Think about it, your best friend is mad at you for no good reason? Whatever. You can't find anything decent to wear because you're bloated, it's 7am, it's freezing and you only got 3 hours of sleep the previous night? Oh well. The wind is blowing 70 miles per hour, filled with dirt and making your head feel like it's going to explode? Just throw in a nice 'I don't care.' I suspect that this will come with a great sense of freedom. I can't wait to experience the relief that must come with just not giving a damn about anything. This is very exciting.

Fools and Faces

Justin and I have officially called an April Fool's Day truce, but I'd still like to get him. The problem is, I don't have any ideas, so if you've got some, tell me what they are. There's only 10 hours left!!!
In other news, I've been using Kiss My Face olive oil soap for about 10 years. It's been the only thing that has consistently kept me from breaking out and having dry, flaky skin. Plus, there's the added bonus of it's very catchy name. Anyway, I've run out of my stash and nobody in this area carries it. I toyed with the idea of buying some online, where it's still readily available, but you know how much I like instant gratification. Yesterday I went to Ulta, armed with my handy dandy coupon and looked for a replacement. If you know me, you know that I never spend very much money on cosmetics/toiletries/nail polish. I can't ever justify to myself spending more than about $6 on things like that, but yesterday (possibly because of my unstable, impulsive condition) I decided that for something that I'm going to use every day, that's going to last me several months, it's maybe not such a bad idea to spend a little extra money. I bought this:It's Alba coconut milk facial wash. It promises to be gentle to sensitive skin and not cause dry, itchy patches. Excellent. I haven't showered yet today, so we'll see, but I'm hopeful. The stuff cost $13 (Four times the cost of my Kiss My Face), but I figure this bottle will last about 3 months. That's only about 15 cents a day, I'm worth at least that right? Plus, look at how pretty it is!