The Little Things

I've had a small horizontal chip in my front, right tooth since I was maybe 12 years old. It was the result of a fight with my mother, and I've felt bad about it now for more than half my life. Today I got it fixed. It's amazing what one hour in the dentist's office and a tiny amount of resin can do for self-esteem. I feel like a completely new person. It's wonderful!

The dentist, Dr. Dannenberg is also wonderful, even with her pageant girl looks. She's funny and kind and told me that I have beautiful teeth. I think that's the best compliment a dentist can give you,  right? Anyway, I am very happy.

Sofa Time

I sort of feel like dancing tonight. Unfortunate, as it's already past midnight, and I haven't spent enough time out of bed today to even shower, much less apply the amount of glittery eye shadow required for a night on the town. Instead I'm settling for popcorn and Ally McBeal. It sounds sad, but really, this is one of my favorite ways to spend a Saturday night. I am officially old. And, for the moment, weirdly content with my life.

A List Post!

I briefly considered writing a post about how I've increased my Effexor dosage and how I have a Very Exciting Dentist Appointment on Monday, but then I realized that there's been a lot of crazy-talk on here recently so instead I'm writing this post with lists. I know, just what you've always wanted, right?!

My Favorite Things!
  • Pedicures
  • Diet Soda
  • Pink Wine (Yes, I know it's not fashionable.)
  • Songs that I know all the words to.
  • Dr. Who
  • Marlowe
  • California
  • Sundresses
  • Tanning Beds (I know.)
  • Kitchen dancing
There's other stuff that I like, but that's pretty much the top ten list, at least for now
Moving on. I have a new dentist. I haven't met her yet, but I have an appointment on Monday. There are a couple of things that disturb me about this dentist, and dentists in general.

Dentist Stuff

1. New dentist is my age, and she's totally prettier than me. Like Texas Girl pretty. Really, go look.  I'm seeing the one called Elizabeth Dannenberg. Dentists aren't supposed to look like pagent girls.
2. In general, I find the dental experience very...intimate. Almost like going to the gynecologist. I mean, do you let people who you aren't sleeping with put their fingers in your mouth? I didn't think so. It seems like something that should at least wait 'til the 2nd date.
3. The entire staff of the dental office is female. I'm not sure why I think that's weird, but I do.
4. My last "regular" (as in, I saw him more than once) killed himself. And his wife. And his mother-in-law. Unfortunately, the Internet tells me that this isn't all that unusual for people in this profession. Baffling.
5. New Dentist promises me the BEST CARE EVER (sic). Very enthusiastic, that one.
6. They promise me "movie glasses," soft blankets and neck pillows. I had no idea that this would be so much like going to the spa. Also, what are movie glasses?

Your turn, tell me stuff that you like. And tell me about your dentist. (Or the other people you let put their hands in your mouth, if you'd prefer.) I know you're there. My stat counter says that I have a ton of lurkers, so speak up.

Not Fun at All.

Grief is bizarre. It's like being in one of those "fun" houses at Halloween where you'll think you're at the end, nothing left to scare you, and then a clown with a chainsaw jumps out and it starts all over again.

Coming Out

I speak here occasionally about my crazy. I don't know, though, if I've ever really spelled it out. My life is complicated by bipolar disorder type II, depression and anxiety disorder. (Of course, these aren't the only things that complicate my life, they're just the icing on the cake.) I am alive today because I finally got scared enough to get help. Driving to work one day, the only thing that kept me from swerving into oncoming traffic was fear. I went home the next morning and told Justin that I needed help. He helped me. He saved me by taking me to the doctor, by holding my hand, by making sure that I knew that he loved me, crazy or not, and that admitting that I needed intervention wouldn't change me. It would just make me myself again.
Last month was my 1 year anniversary of being properly medicated. My life has changed so much since that day. The biggest thing being that I no longer see a black hole when I look at my life. If you need help, tell someone. Get the help. If you don't have someone to talk to, call a helpline. They will help you, and it's not just because they're getting a paycheck. Even if you don't know it, someone out there loves you. Someone out there needs you. Speak out. Not convinced by me? Go here for someone else's story.



For various reasons, I've been having a difficult time for the past couple of weeks. I'm feeling much better now. When one major thing changes in my life, I always feel compelled to change other things as well. Over the weekend I cut 8 inches off my hair. It's a short, sleek bob now, barely long enough to get into a ponytail at the base of my skull. I kind of love it. I also dyed it jet black. That, I think, was a mistake. It's been this color in the past, but this time it seems a little too harsh for my pale skin. It also makes my freckles stand out like sprinkles on a white cupcake. I may  have to go for a color correction. I'm going to give it some time, and see if it lightens up a bit. I got two new pairs of glasses. They're similar to the old glasses, but one is a different color, slightly smaller and the other pair is more squared at the edges and purple. I bought brilliant green contacts. Overall, it's been a fun makeover. Now that I'm feeling better, I think the changes will stop, not that there's much else I can do for the time being anyway.


One small cardboard box.
Contains: (at least) One purple Nikon digital camera
One 2GB SD card
One pink foot scrubbie
One Ped-Egg
Probably some other stuff I haven't discovered missing yet.

If found: Please return to me. If you're reading this, you probably know how to reach me.

These are the only things we seem to have misplaced in the move. I know that seems like a random collection of things for a single box, but I'm guessing it's the box I packed at the last minute when we were running out of the house. This motley collection seems insignificant, the biggest loss being my camera. I'll replace that with my tax refund for a better one. In fact, the most troubling loss is my pink foot scrubbie. My feet are in seriously manky condition after 2 weeks of walking the dogs down rocky, dirty alleys in my flip-flops. Showering is not enough to make them pretty and smooth again, and I can't find a new one to buy anywhere. If I ever want to leave the house or sleep comfortably again, something must be done! Now go! Find my box!

A Medical Failure

Sometimes, when a patient has a serious brain injury or seizure disorder, doctors will put them into a barbiturate coma. This (for complicated medical reasons) allows the brain to heal. Occasionally, a medically induced coma is applied for other serious injuries, to protect the patient from unbearable pain. The patient eventually wakes up and has basically slept through the worst thing that's ever happened to them.
It seems like this is a tactic that could (and should) be used for emotional devastation as well. "A broken heart, you say? We'll let you sleep it off. When you wake up, you'll be right as rain."  Unfortunately, even if the medical community was willing to do such a thing, it wouldn't work. A person could sleep indefinitely, but when they woke up, the pain of heartbreak would still feel fresh. 

Someone should do something about that.

New Year, New Life

Over New Year's weekend, Justin (and my parents) and I packed and moved like maniacs, in the 3 days that our landlord gave us to find a place and get out. It was a bit of a nightmare, and for awhile, it looked like we might have to live with my parents for a month or two, but in the end, it worked out. We have a new apartment, which feels more like home than anywhere I've lived in years and years. It's beautiful, and will end up being cheaper than the craptastic place we were living in. I am completely in love with this place! Overall, I'm happier than I've been since we moved (back) to Levelland 6 years ago. Who knew that a 30 mile move could do that? I love that we live 10 minutes from my job. I love that we're 10 minutes from Target, and real restaurants, and my doctors' offices. Justin will finish school in May, and I think this is (finally!) the year when our lives really start. Seeing as I'll be 30 (eep!!) then, it's about damn time.

My theme song for this year is Dog Days are Over by Florence + the Machine. It begins:

Happiness  hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled...

I'm not gonna run from happiness any more. The dog days are over.