We headed out to get what I wanted and brought it home. The next day, I absolutely could not wait for PE (if you can believe that), so that I could change into my new clothes. It wasn't until we got to the gym that I realized I was the only student who had brought anything, and the PE teacher was surprised at my request to change. Apparently, in elementary school, there is no changing for gym. She finally gave in, and led me to a locker room, which had gone unused for years, and let me change.
Now, before I tell you what I emerged wearing, I must insist that you not laugh quite as long and hard as Justin did when I told him this story. I realize that, in retrospect, it's funny, but I thought the part where he was laughing so hard he was unable to breathe and fell out of bed was overdoing it a bit. This was traumatic for me! Ready? Ok, then.
My gymsuit, which I was so proud of, was a black leotard with straps, like a bathing suit. The black part had all sorts of brightly colored designs on it and the straps went over a bright pink, capped-sleeved t-shirt, which was sewn into the leotard. It looked something like this:
Except with a layered look because of the skinny straps and pretend t-shirt. I'm pretty sure that I was also wearing it over shiny, pink-spandex bike shorts. With a headband. JANE FONDA WAS VERY POPULAR!
Are you all done laughing at me now? Shall we continue? Oh you need more time. Fine......
Obviously, no other 7 year olds were channeling Olivia Newton John, and I was mortified to walk out into the gym and see them there, sans spandex. Unwilling to admit exactly how wrong I was about all of this, I continued the PE class in my jazzersize getup and then changed again before heading back to class. By the time I got home, I was in an absolute tizzy. Crying and completely freaked out, I could not believe how wrong I had been. To make things worse, my parents scolded me for insisting on the gymsuit to begin with. But how was I to know? I had no point of reference, other than Buns of Steel, for what gym clothes were. They never believed me after this, any time I came home from school telling them that I needed this or that. And not just for the rest of first grade, or elementary school either. They were non-believers while I was in HIGH SCHOOL too. Oh, the shame!
You can clearly see that this experience scarred me for life. I never leave the house unless I'm really, really sure that my clothes are right.
Also, you may or may not be surprised to discover that this isn't my only embarrassing moment that revolves around a leotard. Perhaps if you're lucky, some day I'll tell you about the "Naked Eve" costume that I had to wear once for a church choir performance. Yes. Naked. Or more accurately, I suppose, "naked."
1. The Gorgeous Hussy (1936)
PLOT: President Andrew Jackson's friendship with an innkeeper's daughter spells trouble for them both.
2. Citizen Kane (1941)
PLOT: Following the death of a publishing tycoon, news reporters scramble to discover the meaning of his final utterance.
3. The Princess Bride (1987)
PLOT: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing (as read by a kindly grandfather).
3. Chasing Amy (1997)
PLOT: Holden and Banky are comic book artists. Everything's going good for them until they meet Alyssa, also a comic book artist. Holden falls for her, but his hopes are crushed when he finds out she's a lesbian.
4. Shakespeare in Love (1998)
PLOT: A young Shakespeare, out of ideas and short of cash, meets his ideal woman and is inspired to write one of his most famous plays.
5. Dogma (1999)
PLOT: An abortion clinic worker with a special heritage is called upon to save the existence of humanity from being negated by two renegade angels trying to exploit a loophole and re-enter Heaven.
"I think people are perfectly marvelous, I really do, Cliff. Don’t you? I don’t think people should have to explain anything. For example, if I should paint my fingernails green; and it just so happens I do paint them green, well, if anyone should ask me why, I say: 'I think it’s pretty!'”
And toenails. :)
Yes, as a matter of fact, we are watching Cabaret (with Liza Minnelli) right this minute.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
For week of February 5, 2009
There's one supreme standard by which your progress in the coming weeks should be ultimately measured: Will you understand yourself better at the end of the adventures than you do at the beginning? A new privilege may come your way, or an honor that'll perk up your résumé, and maybe even a breakthrough that'll help dissolve your phobia of success. But they will only manifest a fraction of their potential unless you heed my updated version of Socrates' best soundbite: Know thyself -- or else.
The guy I'm touching was my best friend. I haven't seen or heard from him in something like 8 years, but I remember exactly how that sweater felt. I'm posting this mostly because I know that Amanda (and probably Whitney) will get a kick out of it. See the guy, bottom left? He was totally in love with Amanda for years. (You did know that, didn't you Amanda?)