To Take My Mind Off Things

spell your name: susan

spell it backwards: nasus

spell it with your elbow: dsjss n

spell it with your eyes shut: susan

spell it with your forehead: xduhjsdazqhy

spell it with your nose: suwan

spell it with your chin: suhza n

Justin caught me trying to do it with my nose and scolded me for getting oil from my hair on the screen. There's not any oil on the screen. Ha! It was embarassing though...Try it!

Fat Girl Revolution

The Hot Fat Girl Manifesto

Because being a hot fat girl is a lot of work and is undervalued or unrecognized.

Because a fat girl still has to pay more money for uglier clothes or spend 11 hours at the thrift store to find anything hot to wear.

Because if you take the elevator, people think you're lazy but if you're on the treadmill, people laugh.

Because men like John Goodman and Bernie Mac get to have careers on television but sitcom-moms-of-three still have size-two waists.

Because even feminist magazines publish fat-phobic articles under the guise of it being a "health issue."

Because anti-capitalist activists still use expressions like "fat capitalist pig."

Because girls are dieting at the age of nine.

Because side effects of the most popular diet drugs are seizures, heart failure, fecal urgency, breast cancer, lung disease, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, dangerously high blood pressure, abnormal heartbeat, psychosis, strokes, hallucinations and sudden death.

Because the Cooper Institute's ongoing study of 30,000 people has found that those who are fittest live the longest, no matter what they weigh.

Because the doctor who said that there were 30,000 "obesity-related" deaths each year received over $2 million in research funding from Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers.

Because that study prompted the FDA to approve Phen-Phen and Redux.

Because fat-hatred is a money-making industry.

Because fat people who exercise live longer than thin people who don't.

Because if you lose weight 'cause you're sick, people telling you how great you look.

Because fat-hatred is so ingrained in every single one of us, especially inside the heart of even the hottest fat girl.

Because even the most progressive people don't talk or write about it.

Because I am tired of being ignored, invisible, de-sexualized and told that I have such a pretty face.

Because it's not fat that kills, it's fear of fat.

For all that and more I am a part of the HOT FAT GIRL REVOLUTION!

(first posted in Shamless Magazine 2005)

So There!

The Update.

The box count remains the same as I did nothing useful yesterday or so far today. I probably won't do anything useful today because as soon as Justin gets back from the store, I'm making us some sandwiches, watching The View (to see if I still like it without Rosie. Damn you Elisabeth Hasellbeck.), and then perhaps heading on to bed. I can't seem to get enough sleep these days. I think that it's because this is my first month off hormonal birth control for about 10 years, and since I'm currently ovulating my body's like "what the hell is this??" I am not, for the record, off the hormones in order to make baby Brinkleys (Brinklies?). I just feel like it's time for my body to take a break, and the fact that with our new insurance my lovely little ring is very also seems to have a nasty side effect that I won't go into here. So for now, we're using other stuff. Like the extreme stress of moving and being broke to encourage abstinence. Perhaps I'll market it.

New Box Total

37 boxes packed. That is pretty much everything I can pack right now except the stuff in the storage room until closer to time. We will be in our new place in one week. I think I'm going to go do some more laundry and some dishes now. I still have way too much to do. I'm still feeling quite overwhelmed, but not as much as a few days ago. We're gonna make it after all...

Too Much Stress.

This has been a really stressful week. We're still packing to move, and we thought the week was going pretty good, at the beginning we signed our new lease and found out that it wasn't going to cost anything to get the electricity, tv and water switched to the new house. Then we found out that because we got married last year, Justin has lost his financial aid. In spite of the fact that we live below the poverty level (the IRS actually suggested we apply for aid), we make too much money for Justin to get the same financial aid that he got last year. Now we don't know how he's going to go to school in the fall. Then we found out that it's going to cost $300 to get the gas turned on at the new house. We don't have gas at this house, everything is electric, so we can't just move the account over like we did with the other stuff. So, we went from having hot water and no shower to having 2 showers and no hot water. After that, the leasing agent called us and said that in spite of the fact that she told us we could pay the deposit on the new place on the 31st, that we would actually have to pay it "right now." (That was yesterday we actually worked it out with the real landlord after a gigantic panic attack that we can still pay on the 31st.) So we got through the work day today and it seemed like it might be a good day, then my dad called to tell me that the little dog we were going to take from him to be Maybe's friend died today. (Parvo.) For reasons I don't want to go into right now, I really feel like this is my fault and I can't stop thinking about how sweet and soft she was.

This stress killing me. I've been sick to my stomach every day this week. I look old. I have lots of new gray hair. I ache in weird places and I don't know how much of this I can take. I haven't even gotten as much done as I should, but now I have new boxes and I've moved from 11 to 16 today. More packing will happen this weekend. At this point it's mostly the kitchen and bedrooms that need serious work, the living room is pretty much gutted... I want to curl up and cry, perhaps I'll watch Ellen instead.

So that's the update.

One Year

We have been married for one year today!! It seems like just a few weeks ago that I was super stressed about the wedding situation, and here I am now super stressed about moving. I guess some things never change. Anyway, aside from the drama, Justin and I are really really happy and even though stuff is hard right now, overall things just get better and better for us. Getting married is the best thing I have ever done.We have to go figure out which family member's freezer our cake top is in so we can eat it. Yaay cake!!


So, it turns out we are moving this Thursday (the 24) instead of next Thursday (the 31), as we had originally thought. Apparently my parents were planning for us and not letting us in on the details, so I just started packing today. So far, I've done 11 boxes, and frankly, it hasn't made that much difference, which is really disappointing and frustrating. The boxes I have just aren't really big enough to pack very much stuff in. So, right now, our book case is empty and all non-essential bathroom things are packed. I just really don't know where to start and I really don't want to do this. Oh well, at least I'll get to pick out a new shower curtain.

The Edge

So, I've been on the edge of a nervous breakdown since yesterday afternoon, but I might be feeling a little better now. We found a place to live, it's right next door to my parents house, it's 3 bed, 2 bath and it has not one, but two showers. That beats our current total by... 1 bedroom and 2 bathrooms. I'm still super stressed out about how we're gonna get together enough cash for the deposit, first months rent and the fees to get our tv, electric, etc switched over, but somehow, it will be ok...I hope. I don't think that my poor gritted teeth and soon to be developed stomach ulcer will handle it well if things don't stabilize quickly.

Justin just said "don't look at my computer screen for a minute." I wonder what he's looking at...oh a shark. Good thing I didn't look. Things in the water scare me. Especially things with teeth. Ok I have to go watch Heroes (only 2 episodes left!!) and decompress for a bit.

Oh yeah, I know I'll probably go directly to hell for saying this, but I'm really freakin' glad that Jerry Falwell is finally dead. Maybe Pat Robertson is next in line.

One more thing, I'm really tired of hearing about John Edwards expensive haircut. (Are you reading this Mike Huckabee?) If the only bad thing they can find to say about the guy is that he overpays for a trim, I say move him into the white house this weekend...Maybe he'll send me the left over boxes.


Looks like we're going to have to move after all. Our new landlord, my ex-brother-in-law, has decided to raise the rent from $176 to $435 a month. We expected him to raise it some to cover insurance, but not that much and frankly, that's just too much for a house without a shower that is wired to ignite at any moment. So, we've found a place 2 doors down from my dad and step-mom that has about as much room, an extra bathroom, and neighbors who are not druggies. I'm not entirely sure how I feel yet about living that close to my family, it has good and bad points, but I think it will be fine.

We're working days this week, as we are in a training class. I'm hoping that the new computer system that we are learning will stave off the burn-out that I've been feeling for awhile. I just really don't know how much longer I can take it. Justin and I are looking for new jobs now. Justin has a couple of pretty good leads, but so far the best I've been able to find is substituting the next school year. Maybe I can hold on until August.

We do have some very good news on top of all the yuck. My step-dad, James, has gotten a new pick up and he and my mom are giving his old truck (a 1998 Nissan something), to Justin. This will make our lives much easier. Now we can find work at seperate places and in a couple of semesters, all of Justin's classes will be one town over, so he'll need some way to get over there. We're flying down to College Station in a few weeks to pick it up and drive it back, assuming that we can get moved etc. in time. We're supposed to be out of this house by June 1st. I'm hoping that we can fly down to College Station on June 14.

So, that's the news for now. More as and when.

Happy Mother's Day

Today was the day that new Post Secrets came out. Because of the holiday, they are all mom related. This is the one I identify with the most:

Maybe I sent in this secret and forgot...Anyway, anyone who hasn't been to Post Secret should totally make it a weekly routine. It certainly helps me feel less alone.

Now back on subject, to all my mommy friends out there, I hope you have a great Mother's Day complete with breakfast in bed someone else making dinner!!

Pomp and Circumstance

We got back from Amarillo last night. We went for Justin's sisters graduation banquet, she has finished dental hygienist schoo. Here's Ashlie at her fancy table:

We thought that we were going to a party at their parents' house and then on to the graduation ceremony so we just packed regular clothes and headed on our way. When we got there we found out that it was a semi-formal banquet. So, that to me just means church clothes, which we were prepared for, but Justin found some crazy site online and got some advice from a friend telling him that a.) in the case of the website, semi-formal is black tie (formal being white tie) and b.) in the case of his friend that he had to at least wear a jacket and tie. Neither of which he had. I was supposed to wear a cocktail dress... right like I've got a cocktail dress just lying around. So there was some drama but his mom said that Justin should just wear a button down dress shirt and dress pants, so we went to the store and bought him some (she paid us back for them thank goodness). So then there was some more drama because Justin is terrified of being the worst dressed person somewhere because apparently as a teenager he had to wear the borrow jacket at the Amarillo Club. (Which isn't fancy, just pretentious.) Anyway, it totally traumatized him and he was afraid that he was going to embarass me, or his sister or himself...

Anyway, we finally convinced him that his clothes were fine, and this is what we looked like at the party:(You can't tell but I was wearing a black and white sort of Donna Reed style skirt and a black strapless top both with yellow accents. Lovely.) We both looked perfectly fine and no one was wearing anything fancier and we had a good time.

Here are Justin, Ashlie and Nikaia at the party:

We couldn't stay for the actual school graduation, because it wasn't until 7pm yesterday and we had to get home because we work tonight, but I did get the picture of Ashlie:

We are really proud of her.

Now if we can get Justin the rest of the way through school, we'll all live happily ever after. :)

Poor Maybe

Maybe is crying injustice this week because we bought her a muzzle. I know I know, cruel and unusual, but it really is for her benefit. See, we wanted to let her run around the house and/or sleep with us while we're sleeping instead of having her crated all night while we're at work and a big chunk of the day while we sleep. However, the last time I let her sleep with me, she ate my comforter, and since then there have been several pantie/sock/t-shirt eating incidents, so we decided that if she wanted to stay out, a muzzle was in order. Now, when we're ready for bed, we muzzle her.

The first few minutes are the worst I think, she wanders around the house rubbing it on stuff thinking she'll find the magic unlatch corner or something and then she sort of loses the will to live and lays down for about 2 minutes. After she realizes the drama isn't helping, she's just a very well behaved dog the rest of the night, and she gets to sleep in a soft bed and chase cats at will. See, we're not really the bad guys.

In non-dog news, Justin's done with school for the summer. His A&P teacher told him that he's the best student she's ever had and a whole handful of other great things, and he aced his final. His English teacher was a psychopath, but he still managed to get out with a B, so that worked out okay.

We're leaving in the morning after work for Amarillo. Justin's sister is graduating from dental hygienist school, so in honor of that, I am posting a picture of her cleaning Justin's teeth. :)

Yay Ashlie!!

Good To Know.


98% Compatible

♥ Susan and Justin have been romantically-together for a long time. That alone demonstrates a degree of compatibility. Similar personality descriptions are a plus. The (lack of) religious faith they share may help to form a bond. Both are brainy, and that is a good thing. Their astrological signs are in harmony, which is a plus. And their views on children are similar. Overall, Susan and Justin are highly compatible. They are capable of having a beautiful relationship together. ♥

Discover Your Compatibility

It's My Party.

Well, not really, but it is my birthday. The "party" was yesterday. My dad cooked hamburgers for me at his house and the family ate dinner and cake and sang to me. I am officially 26. Today I spent the day with my aunt, brother, sister and dad running errands and buying enormous amounts of meat at Sam's. (We aren't going to eat out anymore.)
The computer is working on life support. Justin spent most of today trying to get our fried hard drive to work so that he can finish off the last of his school work for the semester. It was stressful, but for now, it is working.
So, everybody eat dessert for me today!


Ugh. I keep getting on these stupid weird sleep schedules on the weekends. We work nights, 12-8:30 am (I guess that's really just very early mornings), in any case, we generally go to bed at around 2 pm and get up around 11 to go to work. However, on weekends I like to be on a day schedule so that we can see my family and maybe go to dinner at an actual restaurant at dinner time. Usually on Thursday, (the start of our weekend) I stay up as late as I can, which is usually around 8pm and then go to bed. Get up early (but not like obscenely early, usually around 5), and then tah-da I'm on a day schedule for the next 2 days.

Something has changed, and I don't like it. Last week, and yesterday, I was so tired that I couldn't stay up past 3pm. So both days I was like "oh I'm just going to sleep for 2 hours, please wake me up." And Justin, with fear in his heart (I'm not good at being awakened), agreed. Both days I yelled at him and went back to bed...Last week I ended up just sleeping right through until 5am. That's like 16 hours of sleep! And it's not like I needed it either. I woke up multiple times fully ready to wake up, but I didn't get up because Justin was in bed and there's nothing to do at 1am and I didn't just want to watch tv etc. So yesterday it happened again. I didn't want a repeat performance though, so I made myself get up at 8 (even though I was sulky and prickly) and stay up for a few hours, before going back to bed. I managed to get it down to about 11 hours of sleep, which is much less obscene.

So, now it's 5:30am and I'm going to do everything I can to stay up 'til a decent time tonight. Like at least 9:30. It's my birthday weekend, and I don't want to sleep through the festivities.


I now have cheekbones, collarbones and shoulder blades. I have noticed a definite reduction in the cellulite on my thighs and bum. I haven't been on the scale this week but I don't think I've lost any weight. I feel sort of bloated and I'm out of diet pills. My shirt was too big last night though. Progress is slow.