So, Valentine's Day is over and I can really let loose and be honest about what I think of the holiday. It sucks. First of all, I'd really rather be single on V-Day (Rhymes with D-Day. Coincidence? I think not.), and not because I don't love my wonderful boyfriend, but because then you can sit around with your girlfriends (not that I have girlfriends...) in your pajamas (which you bought for the occasion, comfy, not sexy) and eat Haagen Daz and watch When Harry Met Sally for romance and Chasing Amy for perspective, and bitch about what a stupid holiday it is.
However, when you have a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend whatever you have to pretend all day long that it's some special day, that it is the one day a year that you're depending on to feel loved and wanted and sexy. Everyone acts sad for you when you don't get flowers at work (even when their flowers are hideous orange and purple roses bleh). Everyone wants you to have the same kind of holiday, wants you to "feel loved on Valentine's Day!"
Justin makes me feel loved and wanted and sexy every day that we're together. Even the days when I know that it's hard to love me, and when I sure don't look sexy. He makes me know how lucky I am to be in my situation, even when all I can see is that sometimes the world sucks. He's the greatest boyfriend that anyone could ever ask for. I don't need anything from him that he doesn't give me every day. I'm happy with him. More than happy. We don't need pink streamers and candy hearts to say I love you.
And then Valentine's Day crept up on us, and he felt so sad that he couldn't send me flowers at work. Felt bad that I didn't have chocolate or a card or any of the crap that goes with it. And then the attitude seeped into me. I felt dark and cheated. Everytime someone got flowers at my office (yes even the ugly ones!), I was jealous and sad. I came home with that. I came home with all the animosity that I'd built up all day long, to the person that I love, and tried to have a yucky time. And that sucks. He worked really hard to make me a gift, which, despite what he says, I love. But it's not about the gift. And it shouldn't be.
We need to show the people that we love how we feel about them every day. I don't like that we use this holiday as an excuse to put off our affection. We shouldn't wait around to treat someone well. To let them know that we appreciate what they do. Valentine's Day is an excuse, but it's not an excuse to show love, it's an excuse to wait to show love for 11 months of the year, and I don't like that.
And, just so you know, I did get out of my funk last night. After a couple of hours of complaining about anything that I could think of I decided that it was a waste, and not reflective of what I believe at all. I lit candles and cleaned my room and Justin and I gave each other delicious massages. We spent lots of quality time talking and cuddling. And in the end, that's the best thing that could have happened.
I'd like the 'no gifts valentines day' to become our tradition, I think it makes us look for better things to do, better things to talk about. I'd also like to find something that reminds me to make him feel loved every day, like he does with me, and not save it for a 'holiday.'