Meet Nancy Upton

She's the size 12 model who won American Apparel's "plus size" (XL) modeling contest. But they didn't like her, and so chose a non-winner instead. 'Cause they're jerkfaces. She also has a blog. Which is awesome.

Here, read this excerpt, and then go read the rest.

In case you don’t know her,
let me introduce you to the modern lady liberty:

The average American woman
makes less than 30 grand a year,
masturbates at least twice a week - at least! -
has a crush on George Cloony, Johnny Depp, or that guy from Mad Men,
believes in gay marriage and the right to choose what happens in their nuclear reactors,
and doesn’t believe in prayer to save us now.
And while we can say
that we love the size of our breasts
and that we are comfortable naked,
even with the lights on-
on any given day in the United States,
approximately half of the women are on a diet.

A Prickly Issue

I do not believe in body hair on women. It is a evolutionary throwback that we simply don't need anymore. Potential mates no longer smell each other to determine how fertile they might be. (Note: if your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/significant other starts sniffing you, you have a problem.) Most of us don't romp naked through the fields, so we no longer need hair to protect our delicate areas. Razors are cheap. There are coupons for waxing all over the internet. (Don't try to do it yourself. Learn from my mistake.)  Nair is like $4. Get rid of the hair ladies. (Obviously eyebrows, and a reasonable amount of arm hair are fine. ARM not UNDER ARM, note the difference!)

Whenever I see a hair on the seat of the toilet in a women's restroom (which is what started this little rant), all that says to me is that someone wasn't taught proper grooming. And then I throw up a little. Shave your legs. Shave your pits. Get rid of the rest. You can have hair on your arms, if you insist, but onlyif it's blond. (ARM not UNDER ARM, note the difference!)

 Keep your eyebrows (obviously). And get rid of everything else. Being lovely and smooth is what separates us from icky boys. It's what makes us fragrant and delicate and clean. No more of this natural crap.  There's a reason that we don't live in the woods anymore.

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Smack

I don't believe in spanking (a very unpopular opinion in this area). That's not really what this post is about, but it is related, so I'll just come out and say it. Psychiatrists agree. Spanking children is an ineffective punishment that does more harm than good. It's hypocritical to tell a child "don't hit," and then hit him. I realize that there's a difference between "regular" spanking and abuse, and I don't judge the parents who choose it as punishment. It's just not for me. Luckily, I don't/won't have children.

 Moving on. When I was teaching regularly at the high school here, students who were in trouble for one reason or another were given a choice between detention and "swats." Invariably, they chose swats. Teenagers have stuff to do. Detention takes at least an hour after school; Swats take only a few minutes. The thing is, I'm pretty sure that spanking isn't an appropriate punishment for teenagers. If a person can:

1. Drive

2. Get Pregnant/get someone pregnant

or

3. Work for a paycheck

spanking is assault. One adult cannot tell another person who is, for all intents and purposes also an adult, to bend over so that they can whack them across the ass. Unless, you know, they're in a very specific kind of relationship. When the people in question are a middle aged man and a comely teenage girl, the situation is practically the opening scene for cheap pornography. Perhaps someone should mention that to the school district.

{Editor's Note: I am not saying that anything inappropriate is going on in this school district. No one has ever breathed a word about any kind of sexual misconduct, as far as I know. The staff and administration are excellent at their jobs, and generally good people. I just think that they should look into what could possibly be assumed by those with less wholesome intentions and perhaps reconsider their position on corporal punishment, at least for those over the age of 10.}