In Defense of Helen Thomas

I've been very upset about the whole Helen Thomas "scandal," but didn't have a moment to blog about it until now. I should probably start with a disclaimer:

1. I am not antisemitic. I don't have a problem with Jewish people. I think they have a very interesting, wonderful history and are generally fun, educated, tolerant people. Yay Jews!

2. I am anit-Israel. I don't think it's ok for outside governments to tell a country "we're taking this chunk of your land away because god said that the Jews could have it.

3. The whole concept of a holy land is ridiculous. First of all, if god was going to give his "chosen people" something like that, why would he choose a dirt strip where nothing grows and your worst enemies have been for thousands of years? Poor planning.

Now, on to Helen Thomas.On May 27, 2010, outside the Jewish Heritage Celebration Day event at the White House, the following exchange took place between Thomas and Rabbi David Nesenoff:

Nesenoff: Any comments on Israel? We're asking everybody today, any comments on Israel? Thomas: Tell them to get the hell out of Palestine.
Nesenoff: Oooh. Any better comments on Israel?
Thomas: Remember, these people are occupied and it's their land. It's not German, it's not Poland ...
Nesenoff: So where should they go, what should they do?
Thomas: They go home.
Nesenoff: Where's the home?
Thomas: Poland. Germany.
Nesenoff: So you're saying the Jews go back to Poland and Germany?
Thomas: And America and everywhere else. (emphasis mine) Why push people out of there who have lived there for centuries? See?

 There was a big stink following this interaction, and Helen Thomas was forced to resign in shame. For saying something that isn't only TRUE, it's not scandalous at all!! Palestine -is- occupied! The people doing the occupation -are- largely from Poland and Germany and the US! The allegations are that by saying Germany and Poland, Thomas implied something about concentration camps. That just leaves a big fat question mark over my head. She didn't say anything wrong. And yeah, her retirement was probably well overdue, but her long career shouldn't be marked by something like this. Particularly because she was right.

Saying that Israel is a valid country is like saying that if Mexico showed up, took over the Texas panhandle and said "this is Mexico now" we'd say that's perfectly acceptable. There was a huge war over this. "Remember the Alamo" anyone? I'm angry that nobody took a second to think about her comments logically, and mad that saying that if you don't support Israel in this country is a death sentence politically and socially and the whole thing just makes me sick.

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Not a Fish Tale

Well before Disney’s version of The Little Mermaid thrilled little girls the world over, I wanted to be a mermaid. Some of my earliest memories involve my cousin, Jenny, and I tying our legs together and writhing around on my grandmother’s kitchen floor, otherwise known as “under the sea.” Later, my girlfriends and I spent our time in the pool hanging onto other friends or, occasionally, my dad, pretending that they were our dolphins, and we, of course, were lovely mermaids. One of the most disappointing moments of my childhood was when my father (or more likely, my mother) refused to purchase the seashell necklace for me that would surely give authenticity to my play. I can’t even enter that store without remembering the pendant and wondering if the $2 that it cost was really worth the grief that it instilled in 6 year old Susan.

Twenty-something years later, I’m still (in spite of a near-paralyzing fear of fish and all things aquatic) a big fan of mermaid tales, favoring Hans Christian Andersen’s lovely, tragic version above all others (Disney will do in a pinch). My favorite part of the story has always been the moment that the mermaid becomes fully human. I love the first seconds of realizing her heart’s desire, no matter what the outcome might be (good for Disney’s Ariel, bad for HCA’s unnamed heroine). In that moment, all the mermaid’s wishes have come true. I can only imagine the sense of fear and elation that she must feel. I want that feeling. I want to know what it feels like, taking a deep breath and diving headfirst into the life that I’ve dreamed of, hoping for a good outcome, but not afraid of a bad one. John Burroughs said “leap and the net will appear.” I hope he was right.

It may take some time, but changes are coming.

Proof!

This is my new favorite photo. It also serves as proof that I don't always fall down.

Things are still stressful here, but they're getting better.

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Bad Days

I should have known it was going to be a bad day when I woke up with a tick on my arm. I believe in signs and superstition and luck, and recently, my luck has been a bit on the bad side. I'm not exactly sure what it is in my karmic past that's causing all these disasters, but it must have been a doozy.

After getting dressed, I opened the door to leave for work (late), to find an eviction notice from the landlord (if rent isn't paid by Friday), and a disconnect notice from the gas company (if the gas wasn't paid before 8am, today.) As I drove to work, the road was littered with a slew of roadkill, including a gigantic snake. Another bad sign. Great. Work is kind of my safe haven, and I'm not used to dreading it, but with the bloody highway, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. The bad didn't disappoint. We had a terribly sad case last night (which I can't discuss here. HIPPA, you know). We were completely out of charts, on every unit, so I wasn't able to be as productive as I like to be. And there was a terrible, vinegar smell, coming from somewhere, which we couldn't find to get rid of. Also, my scrubs smelled like gasoline and something that I ate for dinner was so hot (spice, not temperature) that it left burns/blisters on the inside of my lips and under my tongue. I suppose I should count myself lucky that the heat didn't ignite my gasoliney scrubs.
 Justin called to tell me that his truck has stopped working and that he sold his Xbox to pay the gas bill and for gas/grocery money. That still leaves the rent (and potential car repairs). Tomorrow I have a meeting with the Covenant Compassion woman to fill out the paperwork for a loan to cover our rent. Everything -will be- ok, but right now, it feels very tense.

It's not all bad, despite appearances. Justin got a grant to cover his summer class, which was one of our biggest stresses. We have electricity and water and food, which are the important things. Justin's going to get a summer job at UMC, and hopefully that will help our situation.

Anyway, that's where we are now.

"How I Was Brought Up"

I was talking to a friend, a few weeks ago and I asked her why she felt a certain way about something (I can't remember what now) and she said "that's just the way I was brought up." I've been thinking about that answer for a a long time, and I still can't really wrap my head around it. Why would someone choose to think or feel or believe something just because that's what their parents believed? A couple of generations ago, children in Germany were brought up to believe that it was ok to kill Jews and blacks and Gypsies and homosexuals. That sentiment didn't stick around long (mostly). Generations before them were brought up to believe that the best way to cure an illness, any illness, was to cut the sick open and let them "bleed it out." Now we know that that almost never works!
There is new knowledge released into the world every day. To ignore that, and continue a belief system simply because it's the way it's always been done in your family or town or state or country is ludicrous. Not that there's anything wrong with her family. They are really great people, and I fully believe that they raised their children very well. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with whatever it was that she thought either.
It's just that I think people should come to decisions about who they are on their own, as opposed to blindly following tradition.
My friend isn't the only person I've heard say that particular phrase recently. "It's how I was brought up" seems to be the mantra for this area, and probably for most of the world (which, I suspect, is why we're in trouble all the time). Something else I heard recently was (basically) "I don't care what the truth is, I choose to believe this instead." What the hell is that? Why would you choose to continue to believe a fiction, even after you've been presented with the truth? Particularly when it's about something that's easy to prove (as opposed to the cloudy world of religion and politics)? It's very confusing to me, and it bothers me more than it probably should. I'm not entirely sure why I felt compelled to write about it, except that it's been poking me in the brain for weeks now, and perhaps this is a way to get it to stop.

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Twenty-nine

Today I'm 29 years old, and for the first time in my life, I think I know who I am, I think I know what I want, and I think I know where home is. This is going to be a good year.

Treat Theif

When we go to the grocery store, I usually try to get a treat for myself and a treat for Justin. This is usually in the form of an ice cream snack. Dove bars or 100 calorie Klondikes for me, Drumsticks for Justin. Regardless of what the actual treat is, we each get our own. I am not a food sharer.

I'm very frugal with my treats, and can make a box of 8 Dove bars last a month or sometimes 2. (Occasionally I forget about them. When that happens, they could last half a year.)At least that used to be the case. Justin barely manages to make his treats last a week. Sometimes they don't even survive the weekend. And then he moves on to MY treats!! He doesn't ask, either. He sneaks them and eats them while I'm sleeping or at work. THEN, he does the unforgivable: he leaves the empty treat box in the freezer, so that when I get a craving for frozen deliciousness, I have to discover that the appetizing box is really just an empty promise.

I'm very upset about this. Disproportionately so, but it seems so unfair! We're not roommates, we're married! I shouldn't have to label my food, and lock it up to avoid thievery. Any ideas for appropriate punishment?

Implanon: 2 Months In

This will probably be my last post about this (Aren't you glad?), mostly because I keep forgetting that it's there. Until the underwire in my bra catches on it and makes me scream like a maniac. Other than intermittent bra accidents, I'm still loving this little stick of birth control. As far as I can tell, I haven't had a single weird side effect (no weight gain, no breakouts, no break through bleeding), and I appear to be one of the lucky ones who doesn't have a period anymore pretty much from the word go.Excellent.

However, there is one little problem with not being greeted by Mother Nature once a month: I always freak out when the "due date" gets here, and She does not. Even though I KNOW She's on hiatus for the next 3 years. Even though I KNOW the chances of me actually being pregnant are slim, and closer to NONE. (Justin's crazy clinicals schedule hasn't exactly been kind to our bouncy cuddles schedule. Sorry Beest.)  Still, I freak out. So, I bought a pile of bulk, dr.'s office supply pregnancy tests (Read: no plastic stick, just a test strip. Also: 85 cents a piece. Beat that EPT.), and when I freak out once every 34 days, I do the Try Not to Pee on My Hands Dance. Other than that, everything is peachy.

Ok, now that everyone's been updated with the status of my birth control of choice, I can leave this topic alone. I really wanted to post a few updates about it though, because so many of the reviews online are BAD, while the birth control itself, for me at least, has been really GOOD. I realize that it happens because people are way more likely to post a review of something if they're pissed off about it, and less likely to post when an experience is good. (Because, like me, they forget about it unless there's some crazy drama.) The problem is, that makes it really hard to do research when someone's on the hunt for the thing that's right for them. So here I am, doing my part for Implanon research. -grin-

Before I Die

I found this very cool website. It's in the same vein as PostSecret or Found. The site is Before I Die, the creators traveled around taking Polaroid pictures of people, and asked them to write what they wanted to do before they die on them. Very fun, and sometimes (as with the hospice patients they visited) very sad. Check it out. Also, since I'll probably never run into the girls, I made my own:

XML Problems

Can somebody tell me why the date above my posts says "undefined undefined" instead of the actual date? If anybody knows how to fix this, please let me know. I haven't made any changes to the template.

Thanks!

ETA: Looks like I might have fixed the date issue.

Vegas Vacation Pics

Viva Las Vegas!

I am leaving for Las Vegas in 3 days. In Susan time, that means TOMORROW, because I have to work both Sunday and Monday night before I leave on Tuesday. On days that I work, I have exactly 7 hours to sleep after I get home, before I get up, shower and go back to work, so those days don't count at all.

I'm SUPER excited! (As demonstrated by my liberal use of caps lock.) Today I went shopping with my aunt (and benefactor who is providing this adventure) and got some new stuff, so that's some laundry that I don't need to do, and I've got my bag all packed (except for toiletries). I'm slightly nervous because we're flying Southwest. I'm a fat girl, and the whole Kevin Smith drama has me slightly freaked out. I just flew them in January though, so odds are, things are fine. (Also, did I mention, I went down a jeans size! -happy dance-)

Tomorrow Justin and I are going to try and see Alice in Wonderland and have a little date before he gets sucked into another week of clinicals. After tomorrow I won't see him for more than 10 minutes at a time until I get home. I'm really looking forward to that too (the date, not the absence of Justin). I love to go to movies. That's the update. I won't post again until I'm home from Sin City.



Adios!

Magic

Today I got a tiny bottle of magic wands in the mail.  LOVE.

Implanon: 20 Days In

This post probably isn't for the boys.

I've had the Implanon birth control in my arm for 20 days now. After the first week, I stopped having pain at the insertion site, and wasn't experiencing any side effects. (Except possibly headaches, but I'm attributing those to stress and allergies.) I've been pretty happy with it so far.

Here's what's going on now: I have some nerve pain in my arm, but I can't tell if it's from the implant or from a pinched nerve. I fell last week, and nerves are tricky. It's about 3 inches below where the Implanon rests, and I've had some neuropathy in my left side before (meralgia paresthetica), so it's possible that it's more of the same, just in a different place. I'm going to go to the chiropractor this week and see if that helps. Even if it is a side effect of the Implanon, I assume that eventually that nerve will stop hurting, and it's not excruciating, or anything. I just have to be a little careful.

I'm also having some breakthrough bleeding (3 days now). This is pretty close to the time when I'd be having my period anyway, and it's much lighter than a regular period, so I'm not bothered. Plus, it's proof that, if nothing else, I'm not pregnant, so the implant is doing its job. I knew that in the first 2-3 months I should expect this, and it's not a big deal at all.

Overall: Still happy.

It's a Slow Night

Apparenlty no one was having any sex in June, because we're super slow. So, I stole this from Terroni.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sleeping late, having enough food, being able to do what I want to on any particular day without worrying about money.

What is your greatest fear?
Losing control.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I tend to identify with fictional characters much more than anyone who's ever actually existed.

Which living person do you most admire?
Tommye

Which living person do you most despise?
Currently? Actually, I'm good.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I have too many feelings most of the time. About pretty much everything. Also: Impatience

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lack of compassion.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Nice lingerie.

What is your favorite journey?
The walk from the airplane to wherever my actual destination is. I like that feeling of anticipation.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Patience. (And definitely chastity.)

On what occasion do you lie?
To give comfort or spare feelings.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
The scars on my belly.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I find that in my current position, I say the words vagina, vaginal, and vag entirely more than I thought possible.

What is your greatest regret?
When I was 5, I said something really mean to my grandmother. Perhaps I'll post about it sometime.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Marlowe. (Just kidding. Mostly.)

When and where were you happiest?
I've had a lot of really happy moments, but right now, something about a swingset is lingering in the back of my mind. I can't quite wrap my mind aroud the specific memory though.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Lonliness, helplessness, hopelessness. All the nesses.

What is your current state of mind?
After a small rush, I'm trying to unwind.

Which talent would you most like to have?
I want to be psychic.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would be more logical, and less emotional. Actually, that's a complete lie. Perhaps I should want to be more honest with myself.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
This is a risky little game...I do wish my dad and mom (in particular) were more tolerant of each other. I mean, it's been 15 years since they divorced. Get over it already. There's no reason to make it awkward for everyone else.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I don't think I've done it yet. I hope not.

What is your most treasured possession?
Right now: My magic wand.

What is it you most dislike?
Itchy scrubs. Insurance companies.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
A banshee.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
Something with a tail. Do banshees have tails?

Where would you like to live?
Sacramento, Nice, Seattle.

What is your favorite occupation?
I really love what I'm doing right now, but I think I want to be an OR tech. (Actually, I'd like to be a doctor or a nurse practicioner, but I'm scared of that much school.)

What is your most marked characteristic?
I'm a bit of an anger-ball.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
I like smart men and brave men and men with nice hands.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Compassion, cleverness and the ablilty to cook better than me. (Which is pretty much everybody.

What do you most value in your friends?
My friends are smart, funny, and kind. They're also clever, mean (in the best possible way), and snarky. What's not to love?
Who are your favorite writers?
David Sedaris, Virginia Woolf, Augusten Burroghs, Colette.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Orpheus

Who are your heroes in real life?
Margaret Thatcher, James D. Watson, my dad.

What are your favorite names?
Nora, Delia, Horatio, Tomas, Luc, Rachel, Declan.

How would you like to die?
With as little drama as possible.

What is your motto?
Just because you can reproduce, doesn't mean you should.

Happy Valentine's Day

Implanon Day 2

So, after all the local anesthetic wore off last night, I had considerably more pain that I did when I wrote my previous post. The pain wasn't outrageous or anything, just occasionally sharp, like, whenever I moved. Or lifted anything. Or my arm brushed my body. So yeah, lots of ouches. Luckily I had some Darvocet leftover from my gall bladder surgery, so I took one of those, and it was fine after that (and I didn't have to take any more). I left the bandage on, as instructed, for 24 hours, and when I took it off, my arm looked like this:

It's a pretty big bruise, but not as bad as some of the ones I've seen. The yellow around the outside is betadine, not bruise, so it's not even as bad as it looks. See the teeny hole towards the top? That's where the implant went in. 

Without the pressure of the wrap, it's a little more tender, and at the far end (towards my armpit) it feels like the rod is too close to the surface, and it hurts like it's going to pop through the skin at any moment. I don't think there's any actual danger of that happening though. After a few days a little bit of a callous will develop in there and it will stop feeling like there's a piece of glass in my arm.

Here's where I'll share too much information, so if you're my dad, or some other guy who's uncomfortable with girly business, stop reading now.

Usually in the first 3 months of using Implanon, women have heavier periods, and lots of weird breakthrough bleeding and stuff, and so I was expecting that. The thing is though, I started my period on Wednesday (it has to be inserted during that time of the month), I got the implant yesterday, and today, my period is pretty much over, the same way it would have been had I inserted a new NuvaRing. I'm taking this as an excellent sign. There's still a chance that I'll have the ugliness, but since the hormone is the same as the primary hormone in my ring was, I think my transition will be easier than it is for people who were either not on any birth control at all or were using some other hormonal method when they switched. This is promising, and in spite of the pain, I'm still excited about this thing.

About That Huge Needle...

 I had my appointment today to get the Implanon put into my arm. I was super stressed out to begin with, and so I left the house a little (read: a lot) early. On the way there, the nurse called and told me that my insurance (Catholic, determined to provide the bare minimum birth control that they can get away with in the hopes that they can one day pay for a pregnancy/labor & delivery.) requires a note from my primary care physician saying that the implant is "medically necessary" which, of course, strictly speaking, it isn't. But I wanted it and I DO NOT want to get pregnant, ever, and so I headed over to my PCP. (I called first to tell them what I wanted, I'm not a rude patient.) My PCP doesn't specialize in contraception and so he wasn't really comfortable with the possible liability of suggesting the Implanon for me, so after some discussion, he wrote a prescription, essentially saying that he's leaving my contraceptive needs up to my OB/Gyn. After that, I was running late, which stressed me out even more than I was to begin with. I got up to the office, filled out some paperwork, waited for my aunt (who was coming to hold my hand) to get there and then it was *time.*

My pulse and blood pressure clearly showed my nerves, but I was determined. The nurse prepped me with betadine, and eventually, Dr. K came in. He asked me why this is what I wanted, and I told him my reasons, (ie: NO BABIES EVER) and he was all "oh, we'll have to get a baby out of you eventually!" Not exactly what I want to hear while someone is supposed to be doing a procedure to prevent just that, but whatever, I really like Dr.K and I'm pretty sure he was just kidding.

Time to get down to business. I was mostly scared of the lidocaine local anesthetic, since lidocaine tends to burn, and you know, needle in my tender spot,  but it didn't hurt at all. There was just a tiny pinch, even smaller than the prick you'd get from the flu shot, and then a slight burn, but nothing too serious, and then weird numb feeling. After that, I didn't feel anything. I saw the (giant) needle with the rod in it, but  I couldn't really see the procedure (and the nurse told me to look away, anyway). It felt, just for a minute while they were getting the rod settled a little...I don't know exactly, itchy maybe? I couldn't get anyone to take a picture, so sorry.

Anyway, it was totally not a big deal, and I'm not even having any real pain now, just a little bruising and tenderness. I think I'm going to love this thing. Yay!

Eeep!

Thursday I'm going to have Implanon inserted into my arm for birth control. It looks like this:

It has a super low failure rate, lasts for three years, and is considerably cheaper than my current method (Nuva Ring). Don't get me wrong, I've really loved the ring for the past 3 or 4 years, and I think it's an excellent method, but since I don't ever plan on having children, I want something long term, and more cost effective. I'm getting an excellent deal, because my OB/Gyn is only charging an office co-pay for the procedure, but usually the Implanon costs between $500 and $800. Most insurance (including mine) covers it at 80% so even at the high end that would just have been  $160. The cost of the Nuva Ring over 3 years (with insurance) would have been $1980. (Woah. That's the first time I've done the actual math for that.) At the end of three years (assuming that there's not some terrible side effect, and I have it removed before the time is up) I'll be over 30 and officially able to get a tubal ligation. Whee!

The thing is, it goes in like this:

Why yes, that is the most tender, untouched part of anyone's body, otherwise known as the upper, inner arm. And yes, that is a huge needle. Yikes, right? So, after a few dizzy spells and reassurances that there will be a local anesthetic (which will hurt just as much, I'm sure...not thinking about it), and after watching a fully non-traumatic video of someone else's insertion, I got comfortable with that. But -then- I watched a video of them taking one out, and that was, lets just say, far more traumatic. Go ahead, YouTube it, I'll wait.

Done...? Recovered? Good. Now I feel like I have too much information, and I'm freaking out a little. I still want the birth control though, so I'm putting it out of my mind. Three years is a long time from now...maybe I'll forget about the image of the guy digging around in the girl's tender inner-arm with a hemostat. Yeah...that.

I wanted Justin to go with me and take pictures, but he has class all day on Thursday, so I'm on my own. I'll take pics of the bruising (if there is any) and write a full report when it's over with. Wish me luck!

Plumbing Problems

Saturday night all the sinks, tubs and toilets in our house started filling up with sewage. In Justin's bathroom, the things actually overflowed onto the floor, and it was a horrible, horrible night. We had to go next door to my parents' house for everything water-related, and we're just lucky that they lived close enough for us to do that. The landlord sent a plumber out on Sunday, but they weren't able to finish, so they sent someone out again on Monday, and they left before I got up for work, so I'm assuming that they're done. I hope so. We've had plumbing problems in this house before, but never something so extreme. It was like being in one of those cheesy old horror movies in which the monster comes out of the toilet. I'm a bit wary, even now, going into the bathroom without turning on the light first. The good news is that I hadn't finished unpacking my suitcase from my recent trip to California, so it had not resumed it's normal place in my bathroom shower (which we use for storage). There would be no salvaging it had it been in there, soaking in sludge.

I just realized that this is a terrible post. Whatever, I'm posting it anyway.