Just to make things perfectly clear, these are my jobs in this marriage:
Do the dishes.
Do the laundry.
Make sure the house is tidy.
Check the mail.
Figure out the bills.
Make sure Justin's clothes match when he leaves the house.
Cook
Christmas shop.
Decorate (in general as well as for various holidays).
Keep track of people's birthdays.
File things with the insurance companies.
These ARE NOT my jobs:
Mow the lawn.
Take out the trash.
Vacuum.
Check the pockets of Justin's pants before putting them in the wash.
Feed the dog.
Program the Tivo.
Go pick up the take out.
In case of illness or injury, occasionally I will take out the trash and occasionally Justin will be in charge of dinner.
Okay. Now this is all in writing and there should be no questions. If I pull a shirt out of the wash covered in the remains of a receipt, Justin IS NOT ALLOWED to say "didn't you check the pockets of my pants?" That is not my job.
He Is On TV Right Now!!
For anyone who doesn't know this, I worship at the Alter of Alan Alda. I love him. I would crawl across the floor and lick his loafers if he wanted me to. And He is on tv right now. I could just cry.
Granny
On Saturday my sister got married. The wedding went off without a hitch, except the pastor seemed to forget his lines early on. We weren't sure if she was going to be given away or if her dad would just remain at the front of the church for the duration. I worked the video camera, so unfortunately I do not have a picture to post here. However, lots of the pictures that could have been taken weren't because her grandmother (Granny) insisted on standing in the middle of the aisle to take her own pictures. I'm not at all sure why she thought this was appropriate behavior but had she done this at my wedding (which she thankfully did not attend) I might have stomped down the aisle and sat her down. Or at least had some sort of security on hand.
This is not the first time Granny has caused drama. She is from Germany and has the most overbearing personality (to say it nicely) that I have ever come in contact with. When my dad married D'Liesa's mom, for the first several years I endured visits to see that side of the family a few times a year, I felt consistently judged, she never said anything nice to me, and frequently made nasty comments and implied mean things both behind my back and to my face. It was perfectly clear that she thought I was lower on the evolutionary scale than pond scum. When I got old enough to make my own decisions, I opted out of further trips to experience this sort of torture.
It's not just me either. She makes everyone she meets supremely uncomfortable. She causes more trouble in my family than an out break of anthrax would cause in a subway station. The particles in the air freeze at the mere thought that she might walk through the door. This is one scary little woman.
So, up to Saturday, I had not seen my step-grandparents in 10 years. I can happily say that another 10 years will not be long enough. When I walked into the church and was forced, out of obligation, to say hello to Granny, she looked at me as if I was cockroach crawling across her kitchen counter. When introduced to Justin he shook her hand and she behaved as if she had been burned. You'd think that after 70 plus years on the planet she would have learned to at least hide her contempt. The woman has no social conscience. Justin told me when we got home that he had thought that everyone was exaggerating the extent of her evil, but now, after spending less than 2 minutes with her, he sees it. I think his exact words were something like "She sort of burns your soul." Yup. That pretty much sums it up.
This is not the first time Granny has caused drama. She is from Germany and has the most overbearing personality (to say it nicely) that I have ever come in contact with. When my dad married D'Liesa's mom, for the first several years I endured visits to see that side of the family a few times a year, I felt consistently judged, she never said anything nice to me, and frequently made nasty comments and implied mean things both behind my back and to my face. It was perfectly clear that she thought I was lower on the evolutionary scale than pond scum. When I got old enough to make my own decisions, I opted out of further trips to experience this sort of torture.
It's not just me either. She makes everyone she meets supremely uncomfortable. She causes more trouble in my family than an out break of anthrax would cause in a subway station. The particles in the air freeze at the mere thought that she might walk through the door. This is one scary little woman.
So, up to Saturday, I had not seen my step-grandparents in 10 years. I can happily say that another 10 years will not be long enough. When I walked into the church and was forced, out of obligation, to say hello to Granny, she looked at me as if I was cockroach crawling across her kitchen counter. When introduced to Justin he shook her hand and she behaved as if she had been burned. You'd think that after 70 plus years on the planet she would have learned to at least hide her contempt. The woman has no social conscience. Justin told me when we got home that he had thought that everyone was exaggerating the extent of her evil, but now, after spending less than 2 minutes with her, he sees it. I think his exact words were something like "She sort of burns your soul." Yup. That pretty much sums it up.
Vintage
So I've been looking at old pictures from my childhood and I found this one.
Several things about this picture make me say "What was I thinking?!" Here's the list:
1. Look at those horrible rubber sandals.
2. Notice that I'm wearing socks with the horrible rubber sandals. And not just any socks, men's athletic socks, pulled all the way up my leg. Do you see how long my legs looked? Why on earth did I insist on covering them up like this?
3. Look at how heavy my eyebrows are. Hello tweezers?
4. And this is really the most important, I thought I was fat. I mean, I suppose every 14 year old girl thinks she's fat, and looks back astounded at how foolish they were, but the thing is, other people were also telling me that I was fat. So now I'm wondering if perhaps someone had told me back then "you look great" that I would have developed a better relationship with food, and not been so fat now...or maybe I'd be fatter without the constant worry about my weight hovering over my head for the past 15 years. Anyway, I like the picture. I like that Once Upon a Time, I looked like that girl.
Several things about this picture make me say "What was I thinking?!" Here's the list:1. Look at those horrible rubber sandals.
2. Notice that I'm wearing socks with the horrible rubber sandals. And not just any socks, men's athletic socks, pulled all the way up my leg. Do you see how long my legs looked? Why on earth did I insist on covering them up like this?
3. Look at how heavy my eyebrows are. Hello tweezers?
4. And this is really the most important, I thought I was fat. I mean, I suppose every 14 year old girl thinks she's fat, and looks back astounded at how foolish they were, but the thing is, other people were also telling me that I was fat. So now I'm wondering if perhaps someone had told me back then "you look great" that I would have developed a better relationship with food, and not been so fat now...or maybe I'd be fatter without the constant worry about my weight hovering over my head for the past 15 years. Anyway, I like the picture. I like that Once Upon a Time, I looked like that girl.
WTF???
Where the hell did Post Secret go? Who is this Nicole girl that hijacked it? When will it be back?? If anyone knows any of the answers to these questions I'll worship you until another suitable deity comes along.
Friends with Fred?
So, I'm ashamed to admit that someone in my family (who I won't name here), just said "I think Fred Thompson should be president." When asked what she thought his qualifications were, she said "He doesn't need any." Is this not the most ignorant thing that could possibly be said in reference to a presidential candidate? She also says that we don't need another Clinton in the white house because we were "screwed the first time." Well, someone was screwed, but I'm pretty sure I don't believe it was America at large. I haven't decided yet who I'm going to vote for, but I can say with complete confidence that it wont be a republican. I can also say fairly confidently that a republican won't win this election, and I'm almost certain that if it is a republican (god help us) that it won't be Fred Thompson.I did a little research to find out what Mr. Thompson's qualifications actually are, besides 2 runs for senate, and a spot on Law & Order. Turns out, he does have some experience, and would possibly not be the worst of the possible candidates for his side. As I mentioned, he was a senator (R, Tennessee) for 8 years (1994-03). He was active in the Watergate debacle, and has been a lobbyist for various causes since the 70s.
So, he has some experience, but I'm pretty sure that this isn't quite the right kind of experience for him to dive into the presidency. My worry is that a great number of people (like my misled family member), will think that this name recognition is enough. Can they separate Fred Thompson from his L&O character (Arthur Branch)? Will they take the time to find out that he is pro-life and thinks that Roe v. Wade should be overturned? Do they know that he supported the war in Iraq in 2003 and is opposed to withdrawing troops now? That he would support a ban on gay marriage? Actually, looking at that list, these are probably the things that people who vote solely on name recognition would be interested in.
During the Clinton impeachment, Thompson voted against a conviction on perjury charges, but he voted in favor of a conviction of the obstruction of justice charge. I'm not exactly sure how it's possible, (in this situation) for President Clinton to be innocent on one count and guilty on the other. It doesn't seem like a well thought out vote on Thompson's part. Perhaps more research is required.
This really isn't about Fred Thompson, it's about how astounded I am with the complete lack of attention that is paid to the most important things in our society. That we would elect someone because we recognize his name, and his face, but really have no idea about what's going on in his head. This is about how shocked I am that someone I know could be so completely clueless.
Toys for Girls
Please note the general shape and size of this toy:
Please also note that if you twist it's right arm it vibrates.
Now you should know that we received this toy when we went to McDonald's kind of late at night and asked for a cheeseburger Happy Meal with a toy for a girl.
They have officially earned my fast food business for the rest of my life.
Please also note that if you twist it's right arm it vibrates.Now you should know that we received this toy when we went to McDonald's kind of late at night and asked for a cheeseburger Happy Meal with a toy for a girl.
They have officially earned my fast food business for the rest of my life.
Faces
This is my friend Amanda (far right) and two of her friends making faces for the camera:
This is a talent that I have never quite mastered and even in my best attempts I always end up looking slightly lobotomized. I don't understand why this happens. This is my best effort:
Y'know, I've changed my mind.I'm NOT posting that picture.
Justin has tried helping me and showing me and he always looks really cute and funny. C'mon people I was involved in theatre for half my life and I can't make a face in a picture?? I will give my first born child to the person who teaches me to make this face:
Please note, I do not know this child, but perhaps he can teach me the face.
This is a talent that I have never quite mastered and even in my best attempts I always end up looking slightly lobotomized. I don't understand why this happens. This is my best effort:
Y'know, I've changed my mind.I'm NOT posting that picture.
Justin has tried helping me and showing me and he always looks really cute and funny. C'mon people I was involved in theatre for half my life and I can't make a face in a picture?? I will give my first born child to the person who teaches me to make this face:
Please note, I do not know this child, but perhaps he can teach me the face.
You Were Warned.
But in case you missed the memo, I'm posting before and after pictures of Justin's toenail removal today. However, first I'm going to post a picture of my fabulous new haircut. This serves two purposes: A) I can show off my fabulous new haircut and B) If you don't want to view Justin's gruesome toe pictures you can just avoid scrolling down and pretend that all that there is here is a great new haircut pic.
This is my new curly hair. Weirdly, I can wear it down without feeling like I'm growing my own wool sweater during the sweltering summer months. I'm assuming that it's because there is air in between the layers of curls. If someone had told me this sooner, I might not have worn a pony tail every day for the last 2 years.
This is your last chance not to look at bloody toe pics.
This is Justin's toe before his surgery. You can see that it's ingrown on both sides, almost to the point of being a triangle. It's also really really thick, about half an inch at the end from the curling and callous that formed to protect the toe from the nail.
This is right after they gave Justin the gigantic shots to numb his toe. (Which didn't work.) I'm not exactly sure why they put this weird envelope on his foot, except that maybe they didn't want him to see the blood coming from his gigantic needle wounds. He peeked anyway. I wanted to take pictures of the doctor actually giving him the shots, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have liked that. I also didn't get to take pics during the actual surgery.
This is me in the cap and mask that they made me wear so that I could go in with Justin while they did his toe. When I asked if I could go in and watch the doctor acted like it was a weird thing to request, but they have a chair in there for people to sit in and watch so it obviously isn't that unusual.
This is the front view of Justin's toe wrapped up in the bandages after surgery. The gross yellow stuff is the betadine they used to wash his foot. The wrapping is almost cartoonish. You can see that just an hour or so after he got home he had already bled through all that wrapping and onto the ace bandage. We had to add even more gauze a few hours later.These are from yesterday as I unwrapped Justin's toe so that we could clean it and re-wrap. You can see that he bled through something like 30 layers of gauze.
This this the big pile of gauze that we took off of Justin's foot. This isn't actually all of it, we had to soak some of it off so that it didn't start bleeding again and I forgot to add that to the pile before I took the picture.
And here is Justin's toe minus all the dressing. It's all white and wrinkly from being soaked in blood for two days we cleaned it up and now it looks more like the last picture which is a relief. It's stressful for Justin to have his toe looking like this and I'm pretty sure that it's more than he bargained for. And frankly, I'm pretty surprised too that it's turned into such an ordeal. My sister had both of her big toenails removed while we were in high school, and I don't remember it being like this at all. I'm almost sorry that I convinced Justin to get this fixed, but I know that in the long run this is much better than them having to take his whole toe off.
This is what it looks like now, much less scary. We have to unwrap it and soak and re-dress it every day this week, and on Thursday we go back to the doctor for a follow up. Eventually it will heal and there won't be a weird scab or anything after maybe a month, I hope...When he's completely healed I will post a picture of Justin's naked toe.
And finally, here's Dr. Maybe, who wasn't there for any of this torture, but wanted to be included anyway.
This is my new curly hair. Weirdly, I can wear it down without feeling like I'm growing my own wool sweater during the sweltering summer months. I'm assuming that it's because there is air in between the layers of curls. If someone had told me this sooner, I might not have worn a pony tail every day for the last 2 years.
This is your last chance not to look at bloody toe pics.
This is Justin's toe before his surgery. You can see that it's ingrown on both sides, almost to the point of being a triangle. It's also really really thick, about half an inch at the end from the curling and callous that formed to protect the toe from the nail.
This is right after they gave Justin the gigantic shots to numb his toe. (Which didn't work.) I'm not exactly sure why they put this weird envelope on his foot, except that maybe they didn't want him to see the blood coming from his gigantic needle wounds. He peeked anyway. I wanted to take pictures of the doctor actually giving him the shots, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have liked that. I also didn't get to take pics during the actual surgery.
This is me in the cap and mask that they made me wear so that I could go in with Justin while they did his toe. When I asked if I could go in and watch the doctor acted like it was a weird thing to request, but they have a chair in there for people to sit in and watch so it obviously isn't that unusual.
This is the front view of Justin's toe wrapped up in the bandages after surgery. The gross yellow stuff is the betadine they used to wash his foot. The wrapping is almost cartoonish. You can see that just an hour or so after he got home he had already bled through all that wrapping and onto the ace bandage. We had to add even more gauze a few hours later.
This this the big pile of gauze that we took off of Justin's foot. This isn't actually all of it, we had to soak some of it off so that it didn't start bleeding again and I forgot to add that to the pile before I took the picture.
And here is Justin's toe minus all the dressing. It's all white and wrinkly from being soaked in blood for two days we cleaned it up and now it looks more like the last picture which is a relief. It's stressful for Justin to have his toe looking like this and I'm pretty sure that it's more than he bargained for. And frankly, I'm pretty surprised too that it's turned into such an ordeal. My sister had both of her big toenails removed while we were in high school, and I don't remember it being like this at all. I'm almost sorry that I convinced Justin to get this fixed, but I know that in the long run this is much better than them having to take his whole toe off.
This is what it looks like now, much less scary. We have to unwrap it and soak and re-dress it every day this week, and on Thursday we go back to the doctor for a follow up. Eventually it will heal and there won't be a weird scab or anything after maybe a month, I hope...When he's completely healed I will post a picture of Justin's naked toe.
And finally, here's Dr. Maybe, who wasn't there for any of this torture, but wanted to be included anyway.
24 Hour Notice
Tomorrow I will be posting pictures of Justin's toe before and after the removal of his toenail. The after photos are pretty gross and bloody, though not nearly as gross and bloody as actually removing the bandages. In any case, you have been warned, so if you can't handle stuff like that and/or change the channel at the mention of plastic surgery on TV the next post is not for you, and you might want to stay away from this page for a few days.With all due respect,
Susan
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