Late

My period is late. Not incredibly late, but late enoughto be concerned. My breasts were tender in the middle of the month. I chalked it up to ovulation. The emotional roller coaster, sad, mad, manic, all over the map for a few weeks, I blamed on readjusting to some pills that I had been without for awhile. Breakouts, could definitely be blamed on stress, new products and my workouts, which make me sweat. All of those things added together with a late period though, equal trouble.

Every day for a week I've been actively waiting for my period, a little spotting, anything. No dice.

I hold my breath as we drive to Wal-Mart. The only thing open this late. I look terrible. A few seconds before leaving the house, Justin says to me, "don't worry, worst case scenario, we have a baby!" I DO NOT WANT A BABY. My face crumples and he tells me that he's joking, but I know he's not. Justin would be thrilled if we had a baby, but the fact is, it would ruin my life. I wouldn't be able to go back to school. I'd be a mom, for the rest of my life. Weight, which I'm just beginning to lose, back plus more. Stretch marks, money spent on diapers instead of shoes, 10 hour of sleep at night, just a distant memory. No, I do not want a baby.

As I walk into the store, I see a guy that I new in high school. We were friends, and I was happy to see him, even though, you know, I'm a wreck and dressed badly and have quickly braided hair and red eyes. We speak and he asks me all the usual questions: Married? Yes. Kids? No, actually we (I, anyway) don't think we want any. I take his question as a bad sign.

We get home and I pee in a cup. (The size of the stick makes me doubt my aim.) The package says to wait 3 minutes for a result, which seems ridiculous. Shouldn't something that's so important be much faster than that? I'm very into instant gratification, especially when it counts.

I wander the house, put up groceries, text Aaron. Finally.

There is only one pink line. I'm so relieved I could faint. Instead we break out the Crunch 'n Munch and vodka.